Finding New Hope
by Riotetchete
Summary: I still remember that week. The week Light won. L's POV, slash, LxLight. What if Light had gotten rid of the Task Team and let L live, kind of story. Follows manga after timeskip, though changed due to the missing Task Team.
1. Chapter 1

**Finding New Hope**

**Summary:** I still remember that week. The week Light won. I wish I hadn't taken things that far.

**Chapter 1: Checkmate **

_30 047… 30 048… 30 049…_ I sigh. What's the point? I already know there are five hundred squares if I look to my right, and seven hundred if I look downwards in a perfect rectangle. In total 350 000 squares, minus eighteen, where the spotlights are. I've counted the squares over and over again, for the past years, it's nothing new. The squares hadn't been put up one by one, it was only square pattern in the blocks. It was twenty five squares in each block; ten blocks to the right and fourteen downwards. So it was 140 blocks. And eighteen of them weren't whole, due to the spotlights.

I look down, seeing the numerous programs about Kira on the different TVs in the other end of the room. Yagami Light surely hasn't been idle during the years I've been here. Everything had been taken to a whole new level as soon as the obstacle had been removed, said obstacle being me in this case. It was just a couple of weeks since America bowed down to the killer. Everything seems to be lost.

Yes, it's quite the blow to my ego, but there is nothing I can do about it. Fighting Light with the disadvantage I have to start with has just drained my energy. We are even fighters when we fight on equal terms. At least we were. No exercise for five years has weakened my muscles and even though I still know how to fight, I'm not powerful enough to fight against Light. He has been getting stronger and more fit as the years passed. He isn't much stronger, no muscles stand out and probably never will if I know that killer properly, but the muscles he had are more refined.

I sigh and look at the TV to the top left corner. The news are starting, which means Light will arrive at any second. He always has his lunch break around the time the news are showing, and during lunch he comes down to see me.

I turn my head away, not wanting to see Light's "achievement". Instead I look on Light's worktable. He's got several of them, this one was just everything he still did as "L", even though he now works alone.

I still remember that week. The week Light won.

It had started out just like any normal week. We had both been sitting trying to go through all the information the third Kira had given us. It was a note book that had been the cause of everything and I had once again started to doubt that Light could've been Kira at all. We'd kept him under surveillance for such a long time and I had only seen him do his homework. But at the same time, I hadn't doubted him when all the others said that criminals Light couldn't have known about were killed. So there was still a possibility. I felt it had to be him, but all the evidence pointed against it. And the shinigami didn't act like it knew Light either, so the law couldn't be created to suit the user's need. And then there was the thirteen days rule itself. It meant Light would be dead now if he was Kira. If Light was Kira, it meant the rule was false, and then he needed to have the note book in his possession, and most likely knew the shinigami.

'Ryuzaki, what is it?' Light's words woke me up and I realized I'd zoned out with my eyes on him.

'Nothing… I guess I'm just disappointed that you aren't Kira.' Light sighed, but turned his head back to the computer, deciding not to argue. We had had that fight before and it always ended with a few bruises and none of us had been satisfied afterwards.

A few minutes passed before Light said, 'Dad's late. He should've been here twenty minutes ago.'

I looked at the clock on the computer, before agreeing with him. I asked Watari if he had gotten any emergency signals, but he hadn't, so I guessed the man was just late for once. Even the most punctual could be once in a while. There weren't much we could do from where we were sitting but wait and see if he arrived. We could call his cell phone, but both me and Light concluded we would only receive the answer that he was on his way.

That's what I thought he was thinking, and I think that was what he wanted me to think.

Two minutes later his cell phone rang. Normally I didn't allow cell phones, but he had permission, as he had a life outside of work and a fake reason to be gone. It didn't matter; I still hated when a cell phone rang.

'Yes?' I heard Light answer but I kept focusing on my work. I don't remember what I was doing, it doesn't matter anymore, but I remember that I stopped at once as Light flew up into standing position and slammed his hand onto the table.

'_What?_' he half yelled and I turned my head to look at him.

His whole posture showed horror and his eyes held a glint that showed he didn't believe what the one on the phone said. It wasn't every day the guy reacted strongly, so it had to be something.

'How is he?' Light asked, sounding worried. He slowly sat down in the chair, staring blindly in front of himself for a few seconds. If Light was that shocked something horrible had probably happened and I wanted to know what. Despite my suspicion of him being Kira, we still were closer than most people so I wanted to know what could make Light look like that.

It was silent for a while, before Light asked, 'Do you want me to come over?' Apparently the other gave an affirmative as he stood up and said, 'I'll be there in a couple of minutes.' Then he hung up and turned to me. He swallowed and looked hurt where he stood.

'It was mom. She got a call from the hospital. Dad's been in a car accident. He didn't make it.' I stared at Light for a few seconds, before I nodded.

'Go see your mom and sister. I'll handle everything here.' He nodded and left. As the door closed I contacted Watari. He stated he would fix the standard life insurance and everything as it had happened on his way to work, which meant he died in service. I nodded, happy that I at least could do something for the family.

I looked at the shinigami, who just stood in the corner. I didn't like that she observed our work, but it was safer to have her here than letting her roam. Of course we hadn't told her to be here, we just kept the book here and she kept close to it. She hadn't reacted when Light had said that his father had died, though she didn't seem to care what happened.

It was unnerving, even I thought that. And I was the one who didn't care about anything if it didn't have anything to do with the cases I was interested in.

I kept on working, and all I did was waiting for either Watari to be finished with the financial things around Yagami-san's death or for Light to come back. I still didn't know, it could be an attack from Kira, but that meant Kira knew Yagami-san was a part of the investigation. Once again, suspicions could be drawn to Light. But they were at the same time directed away from there at once, because the Light I knew wouldn't kill his own father and be able to pretend that easily it wasn't something he was aware of. Or perhaps he could? He was able to use Amane like he did so why not everyone around him? But killing them? Killing his own father?

I sighed, and looked at the time again. The rest of the team would arrive soon. It was only Yagami-san who arrived early, and Light had decided to stay here all the time in order to catch Kira as soon as possible. That's what he had said at least. I knew he got a lot closer to me while he was there, so that could explain it. But maybe that was just because I refused to let go of the thought of Light being Kira.

'Ryuzaki, where's Yagami-san and Yagami-kun?' I looked up at Matsuda as he entered the room and almost caught me off guard. I told him the truth, but he didn't seem to believe it. I didn't bother with trying to convince him, he would understand soon enough anyway. My cell phone rang and I answered immediately.

'Ryuzaki, the police have identified the second driver in the collision.' I heard Light say and I listen carefully. 'His name's Saito Akio. The police have been looking for him for three months. He died as well.' I blinked. It could have something to do with Kira after all.

'I'll look into it,' I said, about to hang up.

'Ryuzaki!' He stopped me. 'I'm not coming back today. I need to make sure Sayu and mom are alright. Make sure you find something good.' He hung up before I was able to reply and I hung up, immediately looking up all the information about the man named Saito Akio I could find.

He was wanted for robbery, and had killed one man during the crime. It definitely sounded like something Kira would be interested in and if he could kill off the ones working with the case in the meantime, it wouldn't be so bad for him.

'Shinigami?' I asked, turning to look at the female. 'Is it possible to use the death note to make others kill a certain person?'

'Yes, if both names are written in the death note.' I turned back to the computer.

So either Kira had just accidently managed to kill off one of the agents who hunted him, or he had tried to cover it up. Then of course there was the possibility that he tried to cover up the truth for others that he killed those who weren't criminals. So if a criminal died a natural death, and dragged another with him, people wouldn't believe it was an act of Kira. They would simply become mad at criminals and get more hostile towards criminals.

It was almost certain Kira was the cause of Saito Akio's death, the question was; was he intentionally guilty of the murder of Yagami-san? I thought he was, it was too much of a lucky stroke to be able to be a coincident. It had to be intentional. I pressed the button to call Watari.

'Watari. Yagami-san was killed by Kira.' Matsuda, who still hadn't done any more noise since I told him about Yagami-san's death, reacted strongly with a "heeeh?" but I didn't pay him any attention.

'Do you have proof or only speculations?' Watari asked.

'It's seventy percent certain it was an intentional murder of Yagami-san. However it is true with a hundred percent rate that Kira is responsible for his death.' I hear Watari move before answering me.

'I understand. I'll change to full insurance for him.'

'Un,' I reply, before ending the conversation. Now I had to continue searching. If Light wasn't Kira, then who could it be?

Matsuda would prove to be more annoying than usual. He told everyone about Light's father's death and they all turned to me for confirmation. I was just pouring more and more sugar into my tea, as usual. It helped me think, even if I now don't remember what I was thinking about.

The next day, Mogi got in trouble. He did his best and managed to protect Amane Misa who was attacked at work. They both returned almost unharmed as Mogi had managed to shoot the man who attacked. Misa was immediately taken to the headquarters, where she had demanded to see Light, to the point where she had forced Mogi aside and ran into the work room.

I should've thought about it there and then, that the second Kira entered the room I was in, but the two were cleared. She couldn't be that different from last time I saw her, so I couldn't say anything more about it.

What I did think about however, was why Light stayed with her. I knew he didn't care about her, he had told me that, and she couldn't be useful for anything, now could she? OK, she had proven to be of help in capturing the third Kira (how that had happened was another story of interest to me), but I couldn't see it as being helpful enough to actually have her as a partner. She seemed like an annoyance more than anything else. But I could be biased in that aspect; I wasn't too fond of her after all.

She was allowed to stay at the headquarters, and, even though the others kept half an eye on her, they left most of it to Light as she was his girlfriend. I kept an eye at the two of them when they met, that was until Matsuda and Aizawa both considered it to be rude. Truth to be told, Matsuda said I was rude, while Aizawa said I had nothing to support my suspicions against them, so I had no right to spy on them. The guy had something in his head; he understood my intentions even though he didn't like them.

For three days things went on like that, Amane ran between her room and Light, who was getting noticeably annoyed with her. In the beginning he'd been OK with it, as if he really cared about the fact that she had been attacked, but I guess even his patience could come to an end.

The third day, Amane was standing by Light, hugging him, as the next thing happened. Mogi was on his way to a photo shooting to tell them it would be cancelled as he was attacked by a sniper. We immediately started to hunt for the sniper, but we couldn't find who had done it. We couldn't even guess.

Now here, Light was a surprise. I thought he would be calm, but he seemed even more certain than I was that this was Kira's work, and we had to catch him before it was too late. He said it couldn't be a coincidence that his father had died and that Mogi died a few days later. If the rest of them wanted to survive, we would have to find the killer and that fast.

It was annoying, because at the same time our colleagues started to die, the killings increased as if to spite us. It was a challenge and there was nothing we could do to answer it. I still wanted to find Light guilty but I had no proof that it was him, just a million proofs that it wasn't him. That was what it felt like, even though it was just a couple of them. The ones we had were enough to free him at any trial, even the most biased anti Kira men there were.

I knew he was challenging me and somehow I knew I would lose the game. The question was how many of the others would be killed and who I would remain with. No one knew mine or Watari's names, so we would remain, that was for sure. But who else?

Next was Matsuda. It was two days after Mogi's death. It would, once again, be called an accident and considering that Matsuda was bad at following safety regulations and so on, no one would have been surprised when he died. He had accidently electrocuted himself by dropping his cell phone, with charger, in the bathtub as it was filling with water and he was stupid enough to pick it up.

We weren't fooled however. It was Kira, and we all knew it. Three man down, five left, counting me and Watari. Three more that could be killed, counting Light as a normal guy, and not Kira. Of course, Amane could always be killed as well, though I doubted that would happen.

And if Light was Kira, two more would die before the killer would reveal himself.

It was Ide's time next. By now we were all aware that Kira tried to kill us, so when he was found collapsed on his way to the car, we didn't bother checking if it really was a heart attack or if it was another reason that had him collapsing. He still didn't trust me, but he was the one who was the most important of the ones within the police force among those working with the Kira case. Without him the investigation within the police would fall apart.

'Father died on Monday, Mogi-san on Thursday, Matsuda on Saturday and Ide-san died today, Sunday.' I turned my head to look at him. He'd probably thought the same as I had.

'He's increasing the tempo of the killing. Two of us will likely die tomorrow if he keeps this fashion.' Light shook his head.

'No, he'll kill again today.'

'And you're staying this calm!' Aizawa was at his limit. He wasn't prepared to leave his family, and I knew it. But at the same time he was still here, waiting for the next move to be made. Waiting for the next person to die. And if Light was Kira, it was just Aizawa left now.

'There is no use in panicking,' I state. If one panic, time for research disappears.

'That's easy for you to say! No one knows your name! You can't be killed!'

'But he is right,' Light stated, taking my side. 'My name is public, and Sayu and mom has been through enough losing dad. Losing me too would hurt them even more, still I am not panicking.' Aizawa seemed to take the words better from Light than from me and seemed to calm down.

'Now if you excuse, I need to talk to Misa.' He left and I looked after him.

I just felt as if something was wrong but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. It had to do with Light and it had to do with this entire situation. I did not like it and things were definitely getting out of hand. I needed to put him under arrest, and soon, because now it wasn't just my head telling me that he was the one, my instincts told me to run or make a final move. Things were not looking good.

'Watari, I'm certain. Light is Kira, can we catch him?' I ignored Aizawa when he protested loudly. 'Will we have to kill him? We have no proof, but I guarantee on my life that he's Kira. If I die within a couple of hours, if I die at all, Light is Kira.'

'We can always kill him, but you have never done something like that before, it's not like you. Is something wrong?' I bite my lip softly.

'I don't know. Something's going to happen, most likely within a couple of hours. I think this is when we end it all. And I don't think it will be in my favor.' It hurt me to say it. I didn't want to die, I still don't, but I was certain my time was coming to an end, within a couple of hours.

'I will finish it with a bullet in his head if I have to,' Watari said. I thanked him and ended the conversation.

I heard the door open, and Light returned, with Amane and Rem behind him. Was the shinigami in league with him after all?

A noise behind me attracts my attention, and I turn to see Aizawa falling to the ground, clearly having a heart attack.

'Ryuk, do it,' Light said and I suddenly felt someone grip me, holding me to the chair, even though I couldn't see anyone. I stared at Light. If it was someone I couldn't see that Light could order around, it had to be a shinigami. So there was more than one?

I watched Light go to the control table and made sure I wasn't recording or sending anything to Watari. Then he turned to me.

'If you die, Watari is to kill me and Misa, isn't that right?' I didn't answer. I didn't need to. He turned away from me, looking straight at Rem.

'Can you allow her to be killed? I thought you said you would kill me if I tried to put her name into the notebook. Will you let Watari kill her?' Rem looked down at him with a glare.

'What makes you so certain he would kill her?'

'L and I think alike. I would order Watari to kill the ones I suspect the most if something happened to me. And even if she wouldn't be killed, I would be. Do you want Misa to become unhappy because I died?' His arm slipped around Misa's waist. She seemed horrified of the thought of living without her beloved boyfriend.

'Rem! Please! Last time you promised to kill L if he needed you to. Please, I really want to be with Light!' Rem's eyes darkened.

'If it will make you happy, I will do it for you.' I saw her leave through the wall, while I was trying to fight off the invisible force that was holding me. I knew there wasn't any hope, but it didn't matter. I fought on instinct, trying to get rid of the shinigami who held me.

The screens suddenly went blank and I stopped fighting. I stared at the screens, swallowing slightly. If the screens were blank Watari had erased the memory, which meant he was dead. And I knew it was my time soon as well.

'Checkmate, L Lawliet.' I stared up at Light. He knew my real name, and he was taking out his pleasure by threatening me with it before he killed me. He took out a note book which looked very much like the one we had gotten from Rem, but I saw no rules on it. So they had all been fake? Or were some real, and some false, written to confuse us?

He went over to me, and let the notebook slip through my fingers, so I could see the black hand holding me. It was definitely a shinigami, but as it was, I didn't care. He knew my name, and would kill me with it whether I was there or not so it didn't matter if I ran.

'How did you manage to trick everyone?' I asked. If I got enough time I might be able to get free and then kill him, so he didn't have the time to write my name. That was what I wanted at least, but Light just grinned.

'Don't all bad guys lose when they tell their story? And since you see me as the bad guy, perhaps I shouldn't tell you before you're dead.' He opened the note book and I watched him write down a name. I fought harder to get lose, but the shinigami was too strong. It didn't stop me from trying.

As I looked up at Light, I saw him bring Misa closer to himself and he said, 'Your eyes have been everything I need. Thanks to you, I've been able to defeat L. Thank you Misa.'

'Misa-Misa will do anything for you, Light. Just a-…' She stopped talking, staring up at Light, and I understood she was in pain. She gripped him harder, and Light started to pat her hair softly. 'L-… Light…' she went limp, and I realized something; Light hadn't put my name into the note book, but Amane's.

I watched as Light let her fall to the ground and he turned to me. I stared at him, waiting for something more, waiting a couple of more seconds to see if I was right or if I was about to die soon as well. But nothing happened.

'You didn't want her help anymore then?' I asked just to say something and keep some of my dignity. He grinned at me.

'All I wanted her for was to get your name. Now I have it, in writing, just not in the death note. I want you to see me gain power over the world. You were right, I am Kira. The first Kira and everything has gone like I planned. The unforeseen things were easily wrapped into the plan and my biggest problems were you and Rem. A shinigami dies if they prolong someone's life. She didn't know that by dying herself, she shortened Misa's life. So she prolonged it by killing Watari, only to shorten it a few seconds later because she died. And there was nothing she could do about it.'

'And me?' I asked, just because I wanted to know what he planned. We were even fighters, and unless this shinigami planned to help Light, I had some chance of getting away. He moved and placed himself behind my shoulder. I tilted my head slightly to the side to look at what he was doing, but I was too late. He hit me over the neck, a well aimed hit that made me unconscious.

That was five years ago. For the first couple of months I was kept in Amane's room at the headquarters, and then he moved me here, claiming he'd built it just for me. I've been kept here ever since, and I was not happy with it in the beginning. I'm still not happy with it, but I can live with it. What other choice do I have? Bite through my tongue and die? I can't…

The door opens and I glance at the TV with the news. The program has ended.

'You're late,' I state, looking at him. He apologizes and smiles at me in the same way he would've if he had been late for a date and was apologizing to the girl for making her wait. It is just like him to pretend to be the good boy, even in front of me who knows his true colors.

I feel him sit down on the bed but I look away from him. I know what he's going to do, I don't need to keep an eye on him. The chains keeping my hands tied to the bed are loosened and I feel him pulling them down gently. He starts to massage them to get the circulation running normally. He still doesn't want me to be too uncomfortable, he wants my body to work properly, despite the fact that I'm not allowed to move. Being tied up to a bed for five years isn't the most comfortable thing you could do, trust me.

I realize he said something, and look up at him with a questioning look.

'Did you miss me, Lawliet?' he repeated, but I just look away again. I hate when he says my name. I've always kept it hidden, and the fact that he's calling me that makes me uncomfortable. It's like yelling out my biggest secret to the entire world, even if it would just be a whisper in my ear. I can't take it.

'Haven't you gotten over it yet? I've called you by name for so long it should be a habit by now.' I glare up at the man who I just wanted to hate, yet had to hope wouldn't forget me. I would die if he did.

'Where's Ryuk?' I ask, suddenly realizing he's not here, and he's always with Light. The killer smirked.

'On a mission. I promised him a couple of apples for it, some of them would be given to him by Mikami. I've understood I need a new pair of eyes, Amane could actually be useful at times. Even though most people I need to execute have the names out.' So he was recruiting someone?

'Doesn't sound like you. Considering how far you've come without them, why do you need the eyes?' Light smiled, before taking my shirt off and flipped me over on my stomach.

'I have full control of the police, but the underworld uses too many nicknames and in order to get rid of them all, I need the eyes. Mikami Teru is able to do that job perfectly. He's one of my greatest supporters and views me as his god. So he'll do anything to make me happy. Giving up half his life is not an exception.' I knew about that deal. Light had told me long ago and I had understood that if he was able to kill his father he would be able to do anything cruel. He had no heart. He had told me it had been hard to write down his father's name, but it had to be done.

I shiver as I feel his hands over my back, even though I knew they would start touching me any second. He's giving me a massage to start the blood circulation properly, getting rid of any wastes my body would collect as I don't move enough. At the same time he makes sure to fix any risks of getting wounds. Maybe it sounds crazy, that he puts me through this, and still cares about my health, but apparently he does. Or else he's just torturing me even more, by prolonging my life this way. That works too.

'So, how long have you been thinking about it?' I ask, not bothering about clarifying, he'll understand.

'For a couple of months. You might remember when I hit you a while back. It was because I couldn't get rid of a serial killer; he was able to hide behind aliases. After that, I've been looking for someone who's thinking like me, with a strong sense of justice. I've seen him in a couple of programs and heard about him in several cases. He's a prosecutor, and a good one on top of it. He is perfect.'

'So Ryuk is making the first contact now?' I ask. He wouldn't use Ryuk as his first choice if he didn't have to, and nothing indicates that he needs to remain hidden from the world anymore. So why use Ryuk?

'Don't be stupid. Ryuk is just going there to hand over a note book and make the contract. I contacted him over the telephone. He sounded like he would've fallen to his knees if I had stood in front of him.' I feel disgusted by his way of speaking about it. He's really taking his role of a god seriously, enjoying every minute of it.

It makes me wonder if he's telling me the whole truth. Maybe it wasn't that failure that made him decide to find someone to order around, maybe it was more to do with the fact that everything is going so smoothly it's getting boring, so he needs something more now to entertain himself with. A follower who'll do anything for him would probably satisfy that need for a while.

His hands start touching my shoulder blade, and I hiss out. It feels like the shoulder blades are burning, especially the left one. My hiss is all he needs to know I'm sore.

I remember when I did everything to push him away when he did this. That strength I had, not physical, but mental. Where did it go? I wonder every day how I could give up like that, yet I don't fight anymore. I wish I did, but I don't. There's nothing left of the me I used to be. If I was given the opportunity to run, I'm not sure I would take it. It's like the elephants in India. Chained as calves they learn that they can't escape, so as adults they won't try, even if they can escape. Learned helplessness, isn't that what Martin Seligman and Steve Maier called it?

Heh, to think I'm putting a diagnosis on myself. I never thought that would happen.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** OK, now I just have to say everything I didn't think about in the last chapter (as I don't feel like reloading it). I might not be the one to update regularly, I've written a few chapters so now for a while I might upload quickly, but then the chapters will run out and we'll see how much my interest stays on this (hint; review and I'll get more interested again).

I might reload these later chapters, because my beta has not read them yet (and she's harsh on me xD) but I'll just reload them along with a new chapter, and no new content is going to be added, so if you don't feel like rereading, you won't have to.

Also, this story, just so you know… is SO difficult to write, I hate changing between past and present tense because then I'll just mix it everywhere, but that's how it becomes good and the only way to really have L in first person in a story like this… and now I'm babbling…

Disclaimer: because every story seems to have one, even though it's OBVIOUS if you just read the terms of service, NO ONE owns anything on this site. Now I've said it once and I won't repeat myself.

Enjoy this chapter ^^

**Chapter 2: Too Far**

_Mornings were always eventful. Him and I waking up in the same bed, chained to each other. It was no pretty sight. He wanted to get straight out of bed, while I thought we could sleep a few more minutes. He always tried to drag me out of bed. The chain was bad that way, but I still wanted to have it to be able to keep my eyes on him entirely. _

'_Ryuzaki! Let's go downstairs! Stop wasting the day!' It had just gone a minute since I woke up, but he was already nagging at me to get up. It was weird, I normally didn't sleep this much, but I came to like it. But no matter if I slept one hour or ten hours, I still wanted to have a couple of minutes to just wake up, and start the brain without getting a headache. Something Light didn't seem to understand. _

'_What are you going to do if I don't? Show me how you kill?' I asked sleepily, but my eyes were already looking carefully at him, waiting for his reaction, my hand gripping the chain as I knew there was a possibility he's use it when fighting. _

_I was right, he gripped it, pulling roughly in it, but I pulled back, so that my arm didn't get hurt, and I used the hand that wasn't in the chain to lift my body, sending both my legs at him. He dodged, had obviously counted with that type of move, as he knew I happily fought with my legs. _

_He countered with his own kick and even though I could block it, the speed had me flying to the floor, and I felt Light follow me. He came crashing down next to me, but both of us jumped up, continuing the fight. I blocked his hit, he blocked my kick, but I managed to use my free arm to do an uppercut, though I couldn't get any real force into it. _

_He backed off, but before he really had recovered from the hit, sent his foot into my stomach, once again kicking me away. I thought he'd need another second or two to recover, but he apparently was just focusing on smashing my head in. I managed to stop myself from flying so long, by gripping the bed post. I had however been flying long enough for Light to be forced to follow me, so when I kicked out, he was forced to take the collision. He landed on the floor, and I was still standing. I moved out of the way when he kicked my direction, but he used the force of the kick to be able to jump back into a standing position. _

_I pulled harshly on the chain, to get him off balance, but he just ended up crashing into me. We both fell onto the floor both of trying to catch our breaths. _

_We both knew we could go on for ages, and wouldn't end up with a winner, so both of us sort of gave up. It was mutual, so we both lay still. It wasn't long before I moved, lifting my legs in order to support him._

_He flew up standing on all four above me, his knee accidently pressing at the wrong place. Just like mine just had. He at least had the modesty to look embarrassed, while I gave him a slightly amused look. _

_He tried to back off, but I forced my leg up and I saw him stare down at me. It wasn't every day I got to surprise him, so it felt nice. _

'_What are you planning, Ryuzaki?' he asked me, but I didn't respond for a while. I was for once not entirely sure what I wanted to do myself. Of course I had thought about it before, but actually doing it wasn't something I had considered. _

'_We have to get rid of it somehow,' I stated. It seemed to be a shock for him, he surely hadn't thought about this before. But then again, he had a girlfriend. A spoiled, childish and very jealous girlfriend. _

'_You're unbelievable,' he stated, but didn't even try to move. He wanted me to lower my leg before, but I had other thoughts. _

'_The cameras are gone.' He blinked. 'I told the others to stop looking at us in order to stop our fights, because both of us are good enough fighters to avoid injury and we know when to end the fights.' He looked down at me with a suspicious glint in his eyes. I didn't like that he couldn't answer me with a straight yes or no, so I pressed my leg harder against him. _

_In order to get away from it he leaned forward, but he realized that by doing so he pressed his thigh against me. It was a deadlock, and the only modest way of getting away from it, was for me to lower my leg. He knew this as well, and was now analyzing the situation. _

_As he seemed to decide, I felt him press his leg harder against me. I bit together, and let my hand fist his hair and pulled him down into a kiss. I knew it was bad, I knew I was playing a dangerous game, and just brought it to a whole new level. _

_The fight we'd had before was resumed, as none of us would be satisfied with the bottom position. This fight was a lot more intimate, body contact all the time, we bit and sucked over the other's shoulders and chest once we'd removed the clothes, hands trailed everywhere to make the other give up. _

_Our fight ended when I took a police grip on his arm, forcing it painfully upwards behind his back, while I pressed my weight on the arm, and therefore his back. At the same time, my knees were on his ankles, preventing him from fighting with his legs, and I had him where I wanted him. _

_He turned his head to glare up at me, but I didn't care. We both knew he'd lost and what that meant. _

'_Lawliet?' Huh? What's going on? Since when did he know my name?_

'_Lawliet.' Something's not right, I don't remember this, this wasn't what happened. _

'Lawliet!' I wake up with a jolt, realizing that the last part of the memory I relived in my dream was mixing with reality as Light tried to wake me up. I sigh softly, turning my head down into the mattress, trying to get rid of those memories.

I wish I could erase that time. I wish I hadn't taken things that far. It would have been so different now. Light wouldn't have found that pleasure to fight for something.

Of course that first time he wasn't so happy about it, as he lost, but as time went we fought again. It was never clear in the beginning who would win, that was what both of us found greatest pleasure in. Being able to force an equally strong person into submission was always as satisfying. And no one knew anything about it. Not even Watari.

'So where did your mind go off to in your sleep?' Light asks me. I bite down my lip to prevent a moan as I feel a finger tease over my erection, slightly hardened due to that dream. 'Considering this, I would guess; something nice. Or perhaps satisfying.' I don't even want to answer, but keep my head into the pillow. If he finds out what I'm dreaming about, he's going to be very entertained, and I don't want to give him that satisfaction.

He sighs, but doesn't push the subject. Instead he unlocks my left hand, cuffing the other to the bed, so I can't escape. I know this routine, and turn my head to look at the food he's brought this time. It's cake, one of my favorites as well, but I'm not really in the mood to enjoy food. I can't enjoy anything I used to enjoy anymore.

Despite this, I sit up and take the spoon and the plate of food as I watch Light go over to the work table. It wasn't anything new he would be doing, I was certain of it, so I only listened with half an ear to his conversations with someone who asked for "L"s help to find a person.

'Name?' Light asks and I listen to the reply.

'Katsu Kikyo.' I see Light start thinking and watch him, just because something seems to be out of the ordinary when he fixes the cases that should be mine.

After giving a short description of how this female looked like, the man looking for her got to hear the news from Kira himself.

'I'm sorry, sir. She's in my records of those killed by Kira.' I hear the man cry out and say that it couldn't be possible, the only thing she could possibly have done to make a judgment be passed down by Kira was an accident. She hadn't meant to do it. Whatever "it" was, we aren't told, but I know I can ask the killer himself later if I want to know. I'm not that interested in the reasons. He kills them all, without mercy in order to create a new world. All he creates is fear, and people afraid to be killed will do as they're told. It's nothing better than a dictatorship, it's just larger scale.

I finish the cake, realizing half of it had disappeared into my mouth without me thinking about it. I swallow the last piece and look towards the TV screens. There's no news on, so I can't say exact what time it is. But judging by the programs running it was between nine and ten in the morning. At least I slept during the night, as people say you should. I've never understood that part really. But then again, these days sleeping is what I do the most. I think the black marks under my eyes must have disappeared, if they were any indication of me sleeping too little.

Light ends the call, leaning back on the chair and turns his head towards me. Seeing I've finished eating, he smiles and holds out a hand to take the plate, and I give it to him without hesitation. It's getting routine and we both seem to do it without thinking too much about it. It's different from the first times, when I threw the plate at him in order to shock him so I could take the key. I always failed, he backed away as soon as I did something that could have the intention of stealing the key.

'Everything's about Kira these days. Even America is starting to show more and more programs about the famous killer who became god.' His tone sounds satisfied, but the choice of words make me understand he's not as happy as he would want to be about it.

'No one's fighting you anymore. Not out in the open, people are doing what you want them to do. Feeling the power or just feeling how boring it is once you've won?' I ask him and I see him close his eyes with a fake smirk on his face. He's trying to hide the truth for me, but I know him too well. He's too much like I was. When I had finished a case, I was happy for a while, before I understood I didn't have much to do, so I had to find a new case. He can't exactly start over with a new world, so the amount of pleasure from doing all this has decreased to the point where he wishes he would have new competition.

'I'm the god of this world, and you expect me to feel bad about it?' he asks, once again finding the words that sound like he means it. But it's still a question, at least phrased as one.

'I do. It's not fun when you don't have anything else to do. If you had killed me that day and let the others live, you would still have enjoyed the victory, because you would be in the danger zone of revealing yourself to them.' He blinks and looks at me for a few seconds before sighing.

He stands up and walks over to me, giving my forehead a soft kiss.

'What are you trying to say, Lawliet? Do you wish you were the one who had died?' He's got such an honest smile on his face that I'm almost shocked. Almost. He was the one who fooled everyone of the Task Force, of course he's a good actor.

'I'm just saying that was the mistake you did to prevent yourself from enjoying this.' I hear a laugh that's not from Light, and I understand Ryuk has entered the room. He's always amused to hear our conversations, and both me and Light has learnt to ignore him.

'Well I am enjoying myself very much. But I understand you don't.' He's not going to start that up again?

'We both know who's fault that is.' I say, glaring at him. He just keeps smiling and unlocks the handcuffs entirely.

'Let's take a walk,' he states, deciding to drop the conversation.

Once I told Light I was underweight. I wonder what I should be counted as now. Severely underweight perhaps. Before I was healthy, I had muscles. Now I have to use him as a support in order to just stand up properly. The one I was back then would have refused. It's his fault I'm like this, and if I had reasoned the way I did back then it would be handing oneself over to the enemy completely, accepting a loss. But what else can I do? If I don't move, my blood circulation will stop working and I won't live long.

Some people thought I should have killed myself by now. Truth is I'm scared to die. It's the only thing I know I'm afraid of. So I cling onto the last strand of light, hoping that someday this will be over.

I feel his strong arm around my waist, letting both my arms lay around Light's neck, in order to take some extra weight off my legs. He doesn't bother, he just starts to walk slowly. I let him take me a few laps around the room and when we pass the bed a third time, I'm already exhausted. I see Light looking at me with a concerned glint, and I hear him state that he should do this more often.

I don't reply, I just feel him keep walking, and I understand he wants me to do one more lap, because three of them are far too little. I let him do as he wants even though I feel like I can't stand up anymore, panting heavily as I push my muscles to the limit to keep up.

He suddenly stops and I look up at him, seeing his eyes directed towards the TV screens. I follow his gaze, quickly finding one of the channels showing a live robbery. It's not the worst crime ever but it's most likely one of the worst crimes that occurs today.

I feel Light push me down onto the bed and see him get his phone up, as well as getting out the remote to the TV to hear what they were saying.

'… unidentified men attacked the bank less than fifteen minutes ago.' I don't listen to what the woman reading the news says, but look at Light as he seems to receive an answer from the one he had been calling.

'Mikami, start the TV, I need your eyes.' Light smirked and said, 'Well tell them to find the right channel. No one will suspect anything.' He was silent for a while, listening to the TV, while waiting for something from Mikami.

'When you see them, tell me their names,' Light says and I hear Ryuk starting to laugh again. This time from behind me.

'Interesting, don't you think?' he asks me, but I just glare at him. 'You don't think so? That one single human can manipulate an entire world to do as he wants? It's very fun to watch him do it.' Someone was entertained at least.

'It's human nature to be afraid when the constant possibility of being killed is presented to you. One word wrong, one step outside the line, one act of foolishness and they might be killed. All that is needed is a picture of the face and the name, and now apparently not even the name will be necessary. This robbery is another one of the unforeseen events that will lead into showing how powerful Kira actually is. If people find out he only needs the face to kill, people will be even more cautious.' I hear Ryuk laugh.

'You're still analytic, even if you're in this situation. You're not getting boring to watch either.' I'm not too happy to hear that.

'It's got nothing to do with my analytic skills. It's human nature and very predictable.' I look at the TV and listen to the woman's voice.

'The police have yet to find the names of the men, but have managed to capture the faces of both suspects.' The pictures were shown in the screen. 'Anyone having any information about these two is encouraged to call the number below to help us identify the men.' I look at Light, who turns to the desk, writing down the names as Mikami hands them to him.

'Thanks, Mikami,' Light says, as if to clarify that the names are written and I look carefully at Light's face. He either heard what I said or thought the same thing, because the predatory grin on his face shows how clearly this event entertains him. He can show the world once again that he exists with power beyond their beliefs.

I look back to the TV, seeing how one of the hostages run out, and the police is quickly in place. Just a minute passes before the woman's voice is heard saying that both suspects died out of heart attacks. She starts asking questions whether this was Kira showing his true power, as this was more than they had seen before, but I tune her out.

'So what are you going to do now?' I ask Light, but he still holds the cell phone, Mikami has apparently started to talk again. I'm quiet, waiting for the conversation to finish.

'We will meet, but now's not the time. There will be the time for it,' Light says and I understand that the Kira believer asked to meet his god. Of course Light won't take the risk unless he can gain something from it, especially not someone who's got the eyes so he can't hide who he really is.

Light hangs up and turns to me. He looks carefully at my face, probably both looking for what I'm thinking and how I feel more physically after the walk. He decides to be kind towards me.

'I'll carry you to the bath. You really need to wash yourself.' Rather he will wash me. He never leaves me alone to bath just in case I would get the idea of drowning myself and when he's in there, he might as well do the work for me. I think it satisfies him to know he's doing everything for me, making me feel even less able to do things. Or else he just likes to touch me, so he takes all the opportunities he gets. If I ask him he'd most likely answer the first if he answered at all, even if it was the second that was true. So asking him won't lead to me knowing more than I do.

He puts a black bag over my head, and I don't stop him. I know people won't see me, but I guess he wants to keep it so that I knew as little as possible of where I am. Just in case. It's nothing I care about, I just wrap my arms around his neck as he lifts me up to carry me up the stairs and to the bathroom.

He sets me down and starts to fix everything, filling the bath with bubbles, to cover most of our bodies from being visible from the surface. It's not that either of us really care, but I guess it's just habit to do it. At least it smells nice.

As he comes back to me, I let him undress me, feeling too weak to push him away and do it myself. I'm not even sure I'm strong enough to take them off myself. The shirt I can probably manage, but the pants, I doubt I could handle myself.

'So you've calmed down from the dream?' he asks suddenly and I remember the morning's dream. I look away, not even bothering to answer. It was obvious if he just looked at me, which he already does.

He stood up properly and undressed himself, before helping me into the bath, sitting himself down beside me. He moved away, until he had full view of me, and he watched all of me he could see.

'You really need to eat more. You're losing more weight no matter how much I give to you.' I look over at him.

'I need more training. I'm not getting skinnier because I'm losing fat, but because I lose muscles.' He smiles, leaning backwards onto the edge of the traditional bath, eyes roaming. I just look away from him, trying to just enjoy the feeling of the slightly too warm water. It's hard, as my brain tries to make out what kind of person that Mikami is. Is he a threat to those who wants to stop Kira, or is he just acting as a puppet in Light's favor? Does he have his own mind or not, that's the only question I have left to get answered.

'You still haven't told me about your dream,' Light states, but I ignore him, continuing with the next string of thoughts.

Considering the huge change of the world, Wammy's house would understand Kira has no one to fight, so a new L should be picked soon, even though they would most likely have to work outside the law or else they would be displayed publicly and be executed by Light.

But if they did understand, which ones were the cleverest ones? Would anyone of them be able to find me or Kira? Would they even care about clarifying whether I was alive or dead before they looked into the Kira case that everyone knew I was working on when I disappeared? Then again, there was someone working for L, Light took the role and he was the one I would have named to the new L if he hadn't been Kira, if I didn't suspect him.

I know I might die if they find him, without finding his workplace and hideout. Because if they can't get down to the basement, I will die out of starvation while they look for me. I'm not enjoying that thought.

'Lawliet?' I turn my head to look at Light, even though I know what he wants. He doesn't even ask the question again, just looks at me.

'Is it important that you know what I'm dreaming about?' I ask, receiving a small smile back.

'Not really, but I'm curious.' He confesses but I look away from him again.

He understands I'm not going to say anything, most likely believing that it is to keep the last of my mind away from him. He already has my body, and since we think the same, he often understands what I mean and think. It means it's only my dreams left to keep from him and he's even invading them. I'm not giving him the satisfaction to hear that.

He moves again and I soon enough find him over me, both knees on either side of me. I refuse to look at him, but he forces my face towards his and softly presses his lips against mine. I reply the kiss, placing my arms on his shoulders.

I know I should say no to this, I know I can, but I don't. Somehow, letting him use me this way doesn't face me. We used each other enough times before that week anyhow. That was all there ever was, for the both of us. That was how we wanted it, none of us wanted to bond, even if we did go as far as calling ourselves lovers, just between the two of us. Lovers of flesh, none of us were interested in a long term relationship, we were both on the clear with the fact that any sort of feelings would just be in the way. I remember he said, "when Kira is caught and you have to leave" while I caused a new fight by saying, "if you're Kira".

Then it was everyone around us. For some reason he still had Amane, his father wouldn't be happy and generally everyone in the Task Force but Watari would find it strange and not suiting. Watari would agree with the last part, but after all the time with me, he found nothing strange.

Light's lips trail from my lips down over my jawbone and down to my throat. I try to enjoy the tingling feeling, as I move my hands to softly massage his chest, letting both of us feel the pleasure of it all.

Both of us had too much pride back then, which meant none of us were very vocal. Even now, when I know I'm defeated, my pride stops me from letting any sounds slip from my lips. I guess that's the only part where my pride actually has remained intact. It's torn and jagged from these years and I accept the submission without a second of thought something my pride wouldn't ever have allowed before.

But what's the use in fighting an already lost battle? It takes a fool to fight when there's no meaning to it.

Then again, I fight by staying alive. I cling desperately to life, even though I know I'm surrounded by death and it's just a matter of time before it gets to me. I'm really just a fool.

They say there's a fine line between being crazy and being a genius. What determines the outcome is if you win or lose. I lost, so I must be a crazy fool, just like so many others before me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Shinigami **

It was a pretty long time ago… that I woke up with him in my bed. Normally he sleeps somewhere else. I know he doesn't live with his mom and Sayu anymore, but I have no idea where his apartment is, if he even has one, or this building is his home. But tonight he slept in my bed, allowing me to wake up with the feeling of not being alone. In a good way.

I'm still tied up, so I can't move so much to either get in or out of his arms, but I lean slightly backwards to feel his body against my own, just for the sake of contact. It's really nice to for once feel something being different, anything different in my lonely endless days. New things make time go faster, it's a lot more pleasant.

I open my eyes slowly, and at once I realize it's darker in the room than it usually is. Turning my head I understand why. Ryuk stands next to the bed, casting a shadow over the bed that isn't there in normal cases.

Now if something has been a surprise, it's Ryuk. He's not the type of shinigami Rem was. And since she's the only one I can compare with, Ryuk was not like I had expected him to be.

I found out when I was still stuck in Amane's room. I was still struggling to get out of the handcuffs, and I was cutting deep wounds in my own wrists in my attempts. I didn't have anything to pick the locks up with, so trying to force them off was the only way. Despite the pain, I still thought the blood was good. It would perhaps help me slip through the cuffs.

It had gone three days since Watari died and I first got to meet Ryuk. Of course, we didn't talk that time, but as soon as Light was around, so was the shinigami who wanted to follow every move Light did. It was all to enjoy himself, I had understood that much.

I sighed and stopped fighting, glaring down on the handcuffs that for now was stuck to the head poster of the bed. I had managed to turn around and sat up, but it was hard sitting like I used to when I was tied like this. I hated it and I was definitely not prepared to just lay down and be a good boy.

I don't know how many minutes went, but I know the day turned to night, if the amount of light shining through the window was any indication. Still I kept on fighting. I hadn't slept at all since I got caught here, but it sure got boring when nothing at all would change around me.

'It's useless,' I turned my head quickly to look at the shinigami who had entered the room without alerting me. I had been far too busy with my fight against the handcuffs.

'You're saying that because he wants you to say it?' I asked.

'No, it's just the truth. If you continue like that you will kill yourself, by bleeding to death. I think Light will be mad if I don't stop it. If Light's mad, I won't get any apples.' I raised my eyebrow ever so slightly, looking at him as if he was completely off. Then I turned to him.

'You've been with him from the beginning?' I ask and he shrugs.

'More or less, he'd already covered several pages of criminal names, thought I would come and get him when he had written something. Or kill him for using my book. I told him how it really worked and he quickly decided to clean up this world.'

'Thought he was doing the right thing?' I asked and looked at him. He shrugged.

'I don't care. I did ask him, "So you would be the only evil person left?" and he's proved me right. Humans are interesting. It's going to be boring now when you're defeated. I could've told him your name long ago, but there wouldn't be any fun in that.' That meant this shinigami could do whatever he wanted. He was a lot more honest than Rem had been.

'Do you hold any loyalty towards him?' I ask, while taking in his appearance. It wasn't every day you saw a shinigami after all.

'None. I'm just here to be entertained.' I felt a flame of hope within me.

'So if you wanted to, you could get me away from here?'

'No.' His firm answer shocked me but I demanded to know why. 'If I let you go, Light will be mad and don't give me any apples, and the fun would be over.'

'But that would restart the hunt after me, wouldn't it? And I could get you apples if that's what you want. You don't have to be with him, you can be with me and watch me escape rather than him hunting? And I wouldn't just escape, I can go to the police and everything and stop him. It will be interesting.' It was a good try, but not good enough for him.

'If you run, he'll write your name, because he can't afford getting revealed. So you won't have the time to get me any apples and he won't give me any.' I look away, trying to come up with something else.

'Why are you here now?' It felt like I held an interrogation, I kept asking him things and he answered with satisfying or less satisfying answers.

'Because it's more fun talking to you than watching him sleep.' I could understand that perfectly. It was more fun talking to him than staring into this wall in front of me.

'So… the cameras and all that, how did Light go around them?' I didn't care about pretending to say "Yagami-kun" anymore like I had in front of the Task Force, I even calculated as much as it was possible Ryuk had been standing over us when me and Light had slept with each other.

'Ah, he used me to find the cameras and then he worked from there. He bought a small TV and hid it in the chips and then wrote down the criminals with his left hand before he took some snacks and ate and then went on with the next exercise of his math.' The only thing missing was how he had found there were cameras at all. He told me about the two traps in the door, where one had been replaced, but the other hadn't.

Light had been cleverer than we had thought to start with, and even though I knew it was him from the beginning, I had no proof. Now here was why I couldn't ever have gotten proof; he was too smart for a normal person to handle, it took a genius to figure out a genius. And none of the others I worked with were geniuses, they were just smart.

I looked at the shinigami again, before looking at my wrists. The hands were slightly numb and I had an uncomfortable stinging feeling in the thumbs and the wrists. It was annoying, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.

'So, I missed a part of the case. I've asked Light but he doesn't like talking too long to me, especially not about the case. But what happened between the times Light was in prison and started to think he wasn't Kira, and that you started to know Rem?' I told him about the case, from the part where Light said it had to be a mistake, and then the act of Yagami-san to see if any of them would kill the older man, but as no one had they were released. Or rather put under surveillance. Amane in the very room we were in, and I put a chain between Light and me. Then I just took the general parts with how we found out Higuchi was the third Kira.

When I finished he laughed, apparently amused over the hunt, even though he hadn't been allowed to join and watch it.

'And during the time you were chained to each other, things happened,' he stated. I had been right, he knew everything about me and Light.

'Have you watched it or just heard about it?' I asked, and he laughed.

'I watched. Light wasn't aware of it, he was busy fighting you.' The statement was most likely met with too little reaction according to his taste. 'I told Light afterwards and he told me to never bring it up again, as it meant nothing. And Misa wasn't allowed to hear it.'

'If Amane found out she would be angry and would perhaps even reveal she got it from you, when we heard. And by that time we had already understood that shinigami existed, which meant we would have proof he was Kira.'

'Did it mean something?' he asked me and I shook my head.

'No, we just both wanted it and couldn't exactly find someone else when we were chained together, so I simply gave it as a suggestion of how to solve it. He accepted it.' I would never have thought I would talk about it to someone, but I felt Ryuk wouldn't care either way, he wouldn't talk about it and he was just curious to know everything so he could be entertained in the human world.

I started to ask about the world he came from, and the first word he described it with was "boring". As he told me about it, the only thing that would make it more interesting than sitting in this room was that it was possible to talk to people. There I had Ryuk, if he went here, or Light/Kira, if he decided to pay me a visit, but otherwise I was alone. I was chained, perhaps that was another advantage to being stuck in the shinigami world, instead of being where I was.

When we finally became silent, it was starting to get lighter outside and I wanted something to chew on. I always had something, but now I couldn't get it. Light wouldn't be that kind to hand me sweets whenever I wanted it or needed something to eat, I was actually counting on the fact he would start to force me eat more normal food. I had lived on sweet things for as long as I could remember, I wasn't sure my stomach could handle things that weren't sweet.

'I should get going. Not sure if Light wants me to be here, better pretend I wasn't going anywhere and is in his room when he wakes up.' I actually got disappointed to hear it, but watched as he left towards the wall that would be the straight way to Light.

'Ryuk…' I stopped him. 'Let's talk again some time.' He nodded before leaving and I decided to sleep. I probably needed it, I hadn't been sleeping since the day before I lost so it was four days ago. And that had only been a couple of hours.

We had been talking a few times after that, and I had him mostly figured out by now. Even if I couldn't trust him, he was better than no one and the moments I could spend with him were treasured. He wasn't human either, which meant he didn't have the kind of morals they have, so things never got awkward with him.

Now I look up at him, while feeling the warmth from Light's body behind me. If Ryuk had been human, he would have considered that embarrassing enough to end up watching, but he doesn't. All he does is to move so he floats into a lying position and can get closer to me so he doesn't have to talk so loud. Less risk of waking Light up that way.

'It's only gone three hours since you fell asleep. You better go back to sleep.' I shake my head slightly.

'I can't. My brain is already working too much,' I state, even though I don't want anything else than to sleep and leave this place again. It's better to dream, even if it's old memories, they're always better than this reality.

He looks at my face, a bit too close for my liking, but I don't even try to move away, as I'll only move into Light if I do. So I just look into his eyes until he decides to move back again.

'You don't look too well,' he concludes, but I don't answer. It's obvious why that is, and it feels like I've told people too many times now.

'What's happening outside?' I ask him, and he looks shocked. He seems to be considering what will make Light mad and what he wouldn't care if I got to know. After all, Light is right next to us, so if he wakes up, he can just listen to our conversation, pretending he's not awake.

'I thought you saw enough of that through the TVs,' Ryuk states, but I shake my head.

'TV is sending out propaganda, glorifying Light more than he deserves. I want a more objective story, not hearing how great he is stopping crime. I take it there aren't as many criminals anymore.' Ryuk shakes his head. 'But I guess there are still some doing their best to avoid being caught by Kira?'

'Eh, but that's the fun part. Watching Light hunt them down one by one and using that head of his to lure out the real names of them is never growing boring. He never goes for the same trick twice, unless he considers his prey to be brainless. But it's pretty easy for him to receive all information now as he's become a detective and has access to the police's data.' I think for a few seconds.

'But that wasn't a problem before either.'

'No, but he had to hack his father's computer. He told me that could be a risk, as it could perhaps be detected if he made the slightest mistake. Now he's got the access to all that information without hacking. All he needs to do is to hack the folders of the FBI and whatever they're called.' I think slightly, but I don't know what to say.

'But something interesting happened a couple of weeks ago,' he states, and I look at him, clearly showing that I'm listening. 'Light was on his way to work again, just like any normal day. He was passing some store and decided to go in and buy me some apples so I wouldn't start complaining during work. He doesn't like that, says there're cameras around the place. Even if he's made sure none of them covers him when he goes in and out, nor is directed so his work table is in view, it's still possible others see him. If he's talking to himself things will be bad.' He saw what kind of glint I gave him, showing I already understood all of that without him telling me.

'So anyway, we were in the shop to buy me apples. He was picking some really juicy looking ones when I heard someone talk loudly about Kira. I told Light:

''Oi, Light, they're talking about you,' and I saw him turn ever so softly to hear what they were saying. I myself went over to them, because they can't see me. You know how it was, I could even hold you down…'

'Go on,' I interrupt in a low voice, softly in order to not wake Light up, and I make a calm movement to remind him about the sleeping man behind me. I want to hear the whole story, but in order to hear it before Light wakes up, Ryuk needs to hurry up.

'So I realized they were fighting, it was three against one. The small girl against some girls who seemed to be a bit tougher than the average girl. They came from the same school, judging by their uniforms.

'The girl who seemed to be the leader of the gang, said something about the other girl being stupid and started saying, 'the only one who'll get her name written down is you! You've been stealing from me for ages and then you lie about it! A liar and a thief, that's all you are. And who knows, soon you'll probably hurt me physically if this continues, I know I wouldn't be able to meet you alone. You criminals are all the same.'' I interrupt again.

'I get the point, skip the details.' He doesn't look too happy being interrupted.

'Geez, you're just like Light, not appreciating my stories at all.' I glare at him, and he continues. 'The girl tried to defend herself and claimed she was innocent and was being framed and all that, before she also started to yell back that what they were doing was bullying and Kira wouldn't allow that in his world, so he would get rid of them and not her.

'I found it pretty entertaining how they were using Kira as a threat towards each other, but Light didn't seem too happy. I would have liked seeing him talking to them, but he just went past them and I had to follow him. If Light wasn't going to respond it wouldn't be fun anyway.

'He went and checked the magazines and I saw the girls walk past us and out of the shop. I followed them out, just to listen to what they said, because Light would have to leave the shop anyway, so I would see it. They started a fight there again and the three girls accused the girl for being a thief again. They kept on about the whole thing about Kira would punish her and all that.

'Light got out pretty much as they pushed her, so she fell and then the three left, saying she wasn't worth the trouble.

'I thought that would be the end of the interesting parts, but now the fun things happened. Light went up to the girl and offered her a hand to get up. She reluctantly took it before trying to get rid of the worst dust. She thanked and all that and Light used his friendliest smile towards her.

''Don't worry about it,' he said to her. Then he told her that he heard the conversation in the shop and she looked pretty scared, at least I think she was. She tried to explain and everything, but he stopped her, saying, 'I don't need to know. Without proof it's hard to do anything at all to prove either of your side. No judge would convict any of you on those circumstances. I don't think Kira would either.'

'She blushed and looked away, but Light wasn't finished. 'I don't believe it was ever Kira's intention to be the monster under the bed, which you and the girls unintentionally makes him look like.' She looked surprised and then seemed to kind of agree with him in the way of portraying him, and she looked guilty about it.

''It was never my intention. I didn't think that far…' It was amusing to see her looking that scared, like she had done something bad. Light just seemed like he didn't care about it.

''Perhaps I'm not the greatest believer of Kira,' Light said, 'But I do believe the world has become a better place when the criminals have disappeared. We have a lot to thank him for, so perhaps one should start to think of how to treat him.' She was only nodding and looking more and more guilty. It was fun to watch. And then Light simply stated, 'It's never too late to start, if one really believes. And from what I gather, you really seem to admire Kira.'

'It was so fun to watch him talk about himself that way, like he didn't know Kira at all, and like he wasn't Kira himself. It was really entertaining.

'She pretty much ended the conversation there, saying something like, 'Thanks for everything. I don't even know who you are, but thank you. I think I've understood something that will help me handle those harassments from now on.' She turned to leave, but as she'd taken a few steps, she turned again and said, 'It's not too late to change your mind and start to believe. You're a kind person,' she was blushing like mad when she said that, but she ran from there before Light got the chance to say anything more.' Ryuk finishes the story and I think for a while.

'Have you met her afterwards?' Ryuk shakes his head.

'It would be fun to do though, see how she reacts when she meets him again. She sure seemed to think good about him, I watched her turn to look at him several times.' I remember the charm he used on Amane when he needed her to do something and I guess it's a similar one he used on this girl. He sure knows how to use his looks to manipulate girls into doing what he wants them to. By telling her those things, he can most likely get the words spread over the school and perhaps further. But of course that was just what he was hoping. If that girl was the one who was always bullied, it might not work the way Light has expected it to, but I'm sure this was in his mind as well. Better to have one person understanding his message than none.

I look up at Ryuk, processing his story all over.

'Could you describe the girls? Their attitude towards each other and towards others. What you saw of it, that is.' Ryuk looked shocked, but did as I asked him. I quickly told him to focus on the three other girls instead of the one Light had spoken to, because his story had given me quite the clear picture. At least enough to see if she would be popular in school.

As Ryuk's explanation of the girls start, I start to understand that even if Light did everything for that lonely girl, she really isn't going to get the rumor around the entire school, unless she will start a fight with those three girls about it. That doesn't sound too unlikely for her to be able to do, and even if she doesn't start to convince the school, there are other people she can convince outside of school. Despite having the feeling that she isn't the most popular in school, I do believe she can be popular outside of it and able to spread the message from there.

'It all makes sense. The three girls are the ones more interested in their own reputation than their own hearts. Therefore they would be much more difficult to get to in order to get through the message, while the girl…' I suddenly hear a low voice behind me.

'Some of us are trying to sleep.' I get quiet, to not make Light angry, I don't want to have to deal with that. I give a slight nod to make him see that I've at least heard what he said and I feel him pull me even closer.

The skin to skin contact is really nice, even though I'm not having my arms in a comfortable position, where the handcuffs are stuck around the edge of the bed. I move both my hands trying to get them into a more comfortable position, but all it does is creating a stinging feeling in my arms, as they try to fix the blood circulation back to normal as quickly as possible.

I don't like the feeling, probably never will, considering how many times this has happened lately, especially in the arms due to the handcuffs. And now with Light holding me, I can't move to change it so it becomes comfortable either.

Three hours, that's how long Ryuk stated I had been sleeping. Perhaps it actually is a good idea to go back to sleep. Now my brain has gotten some stimulation thanks to Ryuk's story, so perhaps I can go back to sleep now, instead of just silently waiting for Light to wake up, so he can go to his job.

He's never there for long, a couple of hours a day from what I have gathered. Is it that he does all the paper work so quickly, or is it because he doesn't have much to do these days? Lots of the things he's meant to do he can also do at other places, and some things even require that he's out on the field as they call it.

And working as L is also a job, which means he's got several jobs on top of being Kira. I remember the feeling. Sometimes having several cases and solving a few of them easily while others took longer time and needed more thorough investigations. It was times I really would enjoy if I could just relive in my dreams at least.

My hands twitch due to the numbness that's creeping back into them, but I decide to not move. I'll just wake myself up if I do and I'm having a hard time falling asleep as it is.

Could that girl have a greater purpose in Light's plans than I think she does? Or is it just like I've been thinking about? What are the other alternatives? He might know she's a member of something and decided to just "accidently" pass her and help her up, giving her a piece of advice that everyone would know about later. It was nothing I could know anything about as I don't even have access to any reliable information.

Ryuk wasn't the one to lie about things, but he wasn't enough as an information source. I needed her name or enough of her appearance to be able to start looking for her, on the computer, which I don't have one, so I'm back to square one. Where square 349 982 held the solution and I had to go through them all in order to find the last piece.

My mind starts projecting the image of the ceiling I've seen for far too long, and my mind starts counting them. Counting squares instead of sheep. It's a lot more effective.

I'm vaguely aware of the sound of a lock unlocking and my arms moved, but the numbness in the arms prevents me from even waking up more from it. But the hands touching my wrists aren't human.

I have to thank Ryuk for this, even if it's just when I sleep it will probably make me feel a lot better tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **NOW, we're going to get started with the story… that's how I feel at least xD this would not be much of a story if nothing happened, and five years have now passed, meaning; end of intermission in the manga!

**Chapter 4: Abduction**

As I wake up, I feel something's different from normal. Yes, Light's still here, I'm not even sure I've slept a couple of hours, or just one single, but something's different from when I fell asleep.

My foggy mind takes a while to understand what the difference is, and when I wait for my brain to start up properly again, I snug closer to the warmth Light is giving me when he hugs me. My chin brushes his chest softly and I hug him tighter to me.

Wait? I'm hugging Light? My mind gets clear at once, and I remember the soft touch of Ryuk's hands releasing me yesterday. He took off the handcuffs, and let my wrists rest. I know he's not really the type to feel sorry for anyone, but perhaps he sees a part of the world of the shinigami in this prison and wants to help a little bit. The other option, one I believe more, is that he let me go to see if I would take the chance of escaping if the opportunity was presented to me.

He should know better by now, he was the one to tell me; if I run Light will write my name into the notebook. I'm caught between the shinigami world and death, if I would say it in words that Ryuk would understand properly.

I decide not to move. Now that I can, I want to enjoy the freedom as much as possible even if my freedom would be pretty much like my imprisonment. Just the feeling of being able to choose what to do, it doesn't matter that I do just what Light wants me to do.

I press closer, trying to just enjoy being there. A part of me feels it's so nice I would love to go back to sleep like this, the other wants to remain awake to cherish every second of it.

I'm no better than all those girls who swarmed around Light. I would do a lot to just be able to lie like this with him. Yes, there's a major difference between me and the girls; I'm not in love with him, I'm simply attached after five years with him as the only human company I've been able to keep. It's not too surprising, as I seem to get attached to those who end up closer than most people. I was very attached to Watari as well, he was like a father to me, I guess. He was the one who did his best to take care of me when I was a child and even as I refused to meet others, he was always there, lending me a hand.

Now things are a lot different. I know Light is the cause that I'm here and forced through this, but after everything we'd done together, it was just a matter of time before I let him inside that circle of those I got attached to. I suspected him to be Kira and I knew I was getting in too deep but it was too late once things started to lead somewhere. And then Light just proved his true self and I was forced to rely on him to get food and other necessities.

Five years is a long time. Have I really been stuck here that long? The days are passing and if I hadn't got the TV:s I wouldn't know whether it was night or day. The minutes feels like hours, yet I can't remember what happened the day before and what was two years ago. Everything's just going into each other and the lonely endless hours are always the same. How am I supposed to remember when I have been thinking about Wammy's house and when I have been thinking about the Kira case or the other cases I've worked on?

But laying like this with Light makes me think about the fact I've never been this close before without being sexual. When we were chained we had a king size bed, sleeping in each end, even after things started to happen. It was just to not raise suspicions in case someone would enter when we were sleeping. Both of us were thinking mostly of Amane those times.

But she was really stupid. He was unfaithful towards her right under her nose, and she never guessed anything. Like the time we almost got caught.

It was one of their dates again. It would just be a short one, as she was going to go on a shooting, but it was still a date. I was as always sitting eating cake in the corner of the couch, while Amane was complaining loudly about me being there when they were on a date.

'Misa, don't bother about him,' Light said, pulling the girl into a hug.

'But I don't like that he's here!' she protested, only to be silenced by Light's lips. I watched from the corner of my eyes as she blushed darkly, clearly forgetting everything else around her as she replied on the kiss.

I noticed that she snuck closer to him, in the end sitting down in his lap and Light didn't seem to mind it. He really was a womanizer, but I just couldn't get what he would gain from her. It was obvious that he didn't care about her, she didn't have much that one would call "good abilities" that would give Light higher status being with her and there was simply nothing that would give any reason they would be partners. Except if my theory was correct, so Light was Kira and Amane was second Kira. It was the only reason that it could possibly be.

And yet they both seemed so innocent. Well, in the aspect of being Kira. Like they both had forgotten they were. The Kira we were looking for was not the criminal I had started hunting and I knew that. It wasn't likely that Light was Kira, but he most definitely had been, and it kept bugging me that I could never get any proof for it.

The two broke away and Light said, 'You should get ready for the shooting.' Amane didn't look happy, she pouted towards him, but Light just gave her one long look that had her sigh and do as she was told. She got into the bathroom and closed the door. She was most likely going to change make-up, clothes and hair style, even though she would most likely be fixed up as she came to the shooting.

'Ryuzaki,' Light caught my attention. 'Did you take the cameras away as I asked you to?' I nodded.

'No, but I told them to turn them off when we were in there, as there already was one of us looking at you and her, we didn't need several. Don't know why you care about her comfort though.' Light smiled and pulled himself closer to me, so there was just a single inch separating us.

'Who said I was telling the truth in front of them?' I blinked, but felt him grip my chin pulling me closer to him. I was prepared for a kiss, put instead, he licked the corner of my mouth and I stared at him, wondering what he was doing. He didn't say anything, he just backed off slightly.

His look said that I should understand why he did that and as he stole the spoon I held and took a small bit of it, I understood. I probably had some cream there, which he took away. In a slightly different way.

He swallowed the spoonful of cake and placed the spoon and the plate on the table. He leaned over me and I felt his lips press over mine. I answered the kiss, but pulled away quickly, knowing Amane could come out any time.

Light's eyes showed that he was highly entertained and the thought of being close to Amane seemed to trigger him slightly. I wondered what he would do if he was revealed to be unfaithful to her. Because she was not the kind of girl to take it quietly. But perhaps it was me who would be in trouble if he kissed me.

He kissed me again, pulling me down on the couch under him. A part of me said that it was to test what I was going to do, and perhaps see how much power he had, but the last part could be my imagination though, or something my mind's created afterwards.

The door to the bathroom opened, and I was happy that it was behind the couch so she didn't see us. I used my leg to kick him away, in a way that made her see it as if we had gotten into a new fight again.

Light quickly caught my intention and we started a full scale fight. We hit, kicked and threw each other around much like usual.

'Stop it you two,' Amane said in a bored tone which stated she had gotten used to our fights, so she had bought the trick.

We didn't do as she wanted us to, but in the end Light had managed to get me flying and ended up lying on top of me. This was when Amane "got our attention" and we both looked at her.

'Light, I need your help. Which makes me cuter, platform shoes or high heels?' She held up two pair of shoes that Light got to pick from.

Light smiled towards her with the words, 'It doesn't matter. No one will notice what shoes you have, everyone will be busy staring at your cute face.' Amane blushed, but still looked uncertain so Light continued, 'It's a shooting, so you'll wear their shoes anyway, take the ones that are easiest to walk in.' She nodded and smiled.

'Thanks, Light!' She put the high heels on, before turning to us again, or rather; me. 'Don't hurt Light when I'm out, because then you'll regret it!' Her eyes were lifted to Light and she said a very sweet "see you" to him, and then hurried through the door.

Light sighed and turned his head down on me. It wasn't until now he seemed to understand what position we were in, but he pretended like nothing. I saw him blinking an extra time, which was all that stated he hadn't thought of it.

'Now that she's left, you wouldn't mind getting off me?' I asked and he chuckled softly but did as I asked him to. We had to get down and try to get the third Kira, and we both knew it.

It had been a close call, and she had been so easily fooled. If we had slept like this together, we possibly could be able to get through it as well. But the way I'm now lying is a very submissive position, one I wouldn't have accepted before.

I feel Light move slightly and I decide quickly on pretending to be asleep, just until I know how he's reacting to me not being tied up. I get the reaction immediately.

'Ryuk, did you remove his handcuffs?' he asks.

'Yeah, he was trying to fight them in his sleep. It couldn't harm.'

'If he'd woken up before me, he might have tried to escape.' The words make me understand he's a bit relieved that I'm still there, as if he doesn't want me to try to run. Perhaps he's getting attached to me as well, or just doesn't like the thought of his pet running away so he has to kill it. But it's safe for me to tell the truth at least.

'I've been awake for an hour or so,' I state, still without moving or as much as opening my eyes. I feel Light move, and he's obviously looking down at me, so I open my eyes to meet his gaze. He looks a bit surprised before he's smiling towards me. It's meant to be a warming smile, but I see the glint in his eyes. He sees this as some sort of victory.

I look away from him and turn to Ryuk, thanking him for taking them off.

'It was nothing,' he says but before I've been able to say anything else, I feel Light push me aside and I watch him get dressed. I look at him and notice he doesn't even spare me one glance. Is he mad at me?

'Why didn't you leave?' he suddenly asks, and turns to me, as he's fixing the last button of his shirt.

'What's the point? I leave, you kill me. If I try to leave, you'd most likely find me on top of the stairs, too exhausted to move further. You know I can't walk very far, up the stairs feels like something I wouldn't be able to do if it meant I would live.' Light sighs.

'Fine… I won't leave you like this, but I can let one of your hands be free.' He looks at the desk and then back to me. I give him a soft nod to show I understand.

He crawls up on the bed, gripping my left wrist once again place itself in the handcuffs, and the other end he puts around the bed post. When he's done, he leaves the room to fix himself and get me some food before he can get to work.

I sigh, but watch Ryuk, who sits down on the bed by the foot end. He's not planning to follow Light, so it means I will be able to talk to him for a while.

'Why did you take off the handcuffs?' Ryuk turns his head to me, looking slightly surprised.

'Because you tried to get rid of them when you were sleeping.' I shake my head.

'That's not the real reason. When I asked you to take them off several years ago, you wouldn't, because Light would get mad. But now you took them off.' The shinigami looks like he can't remember that time, but seems to be thinking.

'Ah! That time… well, you were still trying to escape, now you can't and you just admitted that to Light, so that's why.' I give him a long look.

'You didn't know that until this morning.'

'Well, you look all weak and all.' I can't help but to kick out for him. He dodges fairly easily and protest, 'You said it yourself, why can't I say it?' I just look away from him. I don't even want to answer that and considering the fact he's been living with humans for almost six years, he should start to understand how humans work.

It gets silent and both of us just lie there, waiting for something to happen. I'm getting used to it, so I don't bother too much. Ryuk apparently does.

'This is boring…' he states after just a couple of minutes.

'I thought you were used to it, with all the years in the Shinigami world.'

'I've gotten used to having fun around Light.' I don't even bother answering that.

Not more than a minute after, Light returns with a tray balancing between his hip and his right arm, with his other hand busy holding his cell phone.

'Send the information and I will have look at it. I know what they want and I will arrange something. If they call again, forward them to me on my other number.' I look at his face, the killing look in his eyes saying that he is not happy about something but I don't know what. He'll probably tell me, or Ryuk and considering the fact he's walking straight to the desk, he's planning to work here now. It means it's either about L or about Kira. Or both.

He places the tray on the table and picks up the apple, sending it flying to Ryuk. He then gives Ryuk a sign to take the tray and give to me and to my surprise, Ryuk doesn't complain nor refuse. He simply hands it to me and I look at the amount of sweets being enough for half the day. I understand that Light wants me to eat more, possibly seeing that I just lose more and more weight, but I'm not sure I can eat this much.

Oh well, I'll just leave what I don't feel like eating, there's nothing more with that.

'I just received the information… Yes, I'll look into it… Yes, I'll do what I can.' Light hangs up the phone call, sitting down on the chair.

'What's going on?' I ask and he turns to me.

'Someone's abducted Takimura-san, the director of the Japanese Police. They're asking for the notebook we received from Higuchi in return for him.' I take a spoonful of cake, looking at him, waiting for a reaction of some sort.

For a few seconds, Light seems to look through the information he's received, then he starts to smirk and shake his head slightly.

'What am I thinking about? There's no way I'm handing out the notebook. I'll simply use it in order to kill Takimura-san.' My eyes darken as I look at him.

'But that's a crime, even with your standards.' He turns to me with the same grin on his face.

'It's a necessary sacrifice. Though it must look like a suicide or else they might suspect something.' He really is heartless. I know they usually called me heartless and was using reckless methods, but this takes the prize. He's not even considering handing over the notebook or finding out who they are and trying to kill the ones who are the threat.

I look away from him and suddenly hear Ryuk laughing. I turn to look at him and he gets silent.

'What? He's interesting,' he states but I just glare at him. The shinigami has far too little understanding what is going on here. But then again, he's not human, so things getting interesting are just the shinigami's way of measuring, not through human eyes.

I turn my gaze back to Light as I take another spoon of cake. I let the spoon remain in my mouth, sucking slightly on it as I think. If the director dies, it's not like they would give up. They would try something else, but what? How would they be able to pull that through? Would they take the vice-director? He knew even less and wouldn't be of any help. Light would kill him at once.

The kidnappers will probably understand that as well, so they need to do something that is likely to attract the police force's interest in doing the trade. The question was just how much they could find out and how they would draw their conclusions based on the information they could get.

I shake my head slightly. Why am I thinking about their next move? It hasn't got anything to do with me and if I utter my thoughts out loud, I might end up helping Light. I do not want to be someone who could be counted as a Kira supporter, because that is one of the last things I am.

I watch Light write something down and judging by the grin on his face, now he's killing the director. I look away, taking another spoon of cake.

When he's done, he starts looking on the computer, writing and searching for something. I ask him what he's looking for.

'The leak. Who told people about the death note, how can the people know it exists? The Task Force is dead, so no one from there can have been the leak.' His words make me slightly angry. "The Task Force is dead", yeah, because he killed them. He killed his own companions and now talks about it like nothing.

I bite my lip softly to not say anything, but I keep thinking about it. The only one they know work on the Kira case now is "L", but they have chosen to contact the police force, which says that all information the kidnappers has to go on is the information about the death note being in the possession of the police force. Which it was when the involved ones were a part of the police force and the investigation at the same time. But now the kidnappers will hear L has got the note and therefore they should be contacting L directly instead of going through the police.

But they can't have anything on L, Light hasn't been doing mistakes what I know off, so the only thing that would make the assumption that something has happened is the fact that Kira increased his speed of killing at a certain point that coexisted with the short time after the Task Force had been destroyed.

If not Wammy's house is the cause of this. There were two of them Watari talked about that would perhaps be clever enough to challenge me. I never chose between them, to be honest I didn't even look into it as I didn't think I would be defeated so it would be several years until I died and needed someone to take my place, but hopefully they worked together to solve this. If not they might even hinder each other.

But if people understand that the L now is not me, will they go into a direct attack, stating they don't believe L is the true one, or will they try to lure him out by walking around him? Most likely they will try to lure him out as someone with potential enough to take my place will understand that if L is dead and the entire Task Force with it, and someone is still working as L, it might be Kira himself. I think that is what I would conclude, but I might be influenced by the fact that I know how it really is.

A few minutes pass and I just keep watching Light with an absent mind. I'm still able to register every movement he does even though the screens aren't angled so I can see them. But now as Light is working, his face holds the determination to find the flaws, with the same intensity as he had when he was trying to find Kira when his memories were erased.

Wait… what happened when the notebook changed owner? I've never asked Ryuk about that.

'Ryuk, what happens when a person hands their notebook to someone else?' Ryuk looks at me and I notice Light stops typing for half a second.

'That depends on the circumstances.' I nod.

'So if Light was to hand over the notebook to the kidnappers, what happens?' Ryuk seems to think for a while.

'It comes in their possession, but the owner of it won't change until some time has gone or they have written down a name in it. It's like what Light told me when Higuchi died. Light killed him which made him the owner of the notebook, but as his father took care of the book and hid it he was soon proclaimed as the owner of the notebook.' It makes sense.

'What circumstances would change it?' I ask.

'Well, Misa gave her note to Light, but as Light gave her pages to write on, or sometimes the book itself, it remained in the possession of Misa.' His words make me wonder just how much power Misa actually gave Light, at least over herself. I would never give myself up to anyone that willingly. I can't understand how anyone would even consider the possibility.

I look at Light who keeps on working on the task of finding the leak.

'So if I would steal the notebook from Light without using it, I would end up as its owner if he can't find it and take it back within a certain amount of time?' Light turns to me.

'Is that a plan?'

'Of course not, then I would not have mentioned it. I'm only speaking hypothetically. I have no place of hiding the notebook, so I can't become the owner of it without killing someone. I could kill you, but then we have the trouble of getting out of here on my own, which isn't the easiest.' I state but look at Ryuk to have my answer.

'Well, yes, you would become its owner.' I nod softly.

'But if something like that happens, the former owner will not forget? They will only forget if they forfeit their ownership of the death note?' Ryuk confirms my suspicions. That could be good information, for some day. I think.

Light looks at me with dark eyes, clearly seeing the possibilities that this could cause problems, but as it is, he has nothing to worry about so he leaves it as it is for the moment. His more urgent problems need to be dealt with before he can take care of me.

I'm no threat anymore yet I need to be kept on a leash, or I might end up biting, instead of barking.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: FBI involvement **

Nothing more happened yesterday. Me and Light just ended up sitting there, waiting for the kidnappers calls to say that the deal was off, and they would be doing something else instead. That was a waiting that continues today as well. We both know the director is dead, but the kidnappers are surely coming up with another plan at the moment.

'Yagami-san, we need your help! There's someone here asking about the notebook and we don't know how to contact L to handle this.' Light's eyes get darker.

'Turn the computer screen towards them and I will talk to them. I take it you're in the vice-president's room.' He gets a confirming answer and Light easily hacks his way to the computer, and the speakers so that he can talk to them without showing his face. He watches the people on the screen for a few seconds, and I try to get a better view.

Ryuk just stands behind Light on the other side of him, so I still have some idea of what's happening on the screen. There's a man there, or wait, two, one is almost hiding behind the computer.

'Forgive me my rudeness,' Light state in a voice program that distorts his voice. 'But considering the latest circumstances I will not show you my face until it is absolutely necessary. I hope you understand with the constant threat of Kira working on the same cases and might end up seeing me as in the way, I need to keep my face hidden.' Ryuk laughs while I just look at that acting skill of his. He's sounding like he's really meaning it, I understand why the others had problems seeing through him.

'I cannot agree to that. You must understand that by doing this, we are revealing ourselves as much as you would be.' I watch Light close his eyes for a few seconds. He's most likely thinking the same thing as I am, if the FBI asks for the death note just the day after someone's been kidnapped and the kidnapers want the same thing, of course it will be suspicious.

'You want the notebook. Director Takimura is abducted due to the very same reason and you expect me to show my face, trusting you? I know there's a possibility that it's coincidental, however I believe you understand why I'm prepared to take these precautious measures.' I look at him as he suddenly smiles. 'I believe you aren't the one highest up, so if you need to, call your boss and talk through everything and we will see if we can come to a solution. I believe you are fully capable of understanding my reasons for being suspicious of you right now.' Light sounds wiser than the average man of twice his age. To think that this is also an act, and he's playing it perfectly.

I see the man nod and leave the room, pulling out a cell phone when he's on his way out. The vice-director at ones turns to Light and ask what he's doing, but Light calmly states that he has the situation under control and considering the man's reaction, he was not aware of the abduction, which means there could be several people working on the case at once.

To this I just smirk slightly when Light isn't watching me. Even if they don't work together, it appears to be two clever ones, who could find information that wasn't supposed to exist. How else did they know about the notebook? Two boys with potential to take my position. Are they using this as their final conclusion? Are they competing against each other, with the title "L" as the prize?

Somehow, I'm satisfied with the answer. I have no proof, but I feel that this is correct. For now it's my theory at least, until they start to talk to "L". That's when my suspicions will be confirmed.

The man returns to the room and the three of us in the basement turns our full attention to the screen.

'My superiors want to help you get the director back. Right now it is more urgent to get him back than to talk about the notebook. That is something we'll have to consider later if the chances arise.' Light doesn't reply for some time, but seems to be thinking.

'I believe your cooperation would be accepted, but I need to consult L, he's the one who is in possession of the notebook and is the one taking care of everything involving the Kira case.' I sigh, knowing too well what a part Light has to play right now, and the part he has to play as L later on, they both need to be different enough for the others to believe it is two different people.

The man nods and seems to be satisfied with that answer. Either he doesn't know L isn't L anymore, or he's been instructed that the Japanese Police force is unaware of the change so he will accept when they talk to L. That of course can only be true if I'm right with this being the work of one of those two.

The man hands his telephone number over and Light ends the conversation, so I turn to him.

'Plans?' I ask him. Most of my thoughts are going in the way to stop Light, so how is he planning to counter? If I let my brain think about it, I will most likely know exactly what his plans are, but I don't let myself think about it unless Light doesn't want me to know.

'They're a threat, I need to get in contact with them, finding out who they are and who they work for in order to get rid of them all.' He turns to the computer and starts doing something and after what I see he's starting to hack himself into FBI's files, where he can find out who the man really is. But he doesn't say anything in more detail about what he's planning, I wonder if he's got any plans right now more than collecting all information he can possibly receive.

I look carefully at Light, suddenly remembering when we almost got caught when hacking. We had been looking through the files FBI had hidden, in order to find if any criminals had been killed. It was during the time I still had Light chained to me.

We were both looking for criminals that had gotten killed, just for the others to look through for us, before we went down to simply looking for people who had died. It was something that took most of our time. We were both on FBI's records, because by doing so we were confusing the servers. It was a good way of doing it, when one had the possibility to.

I heard Yagami-san talking to Light about saying something about his absence, as it was longer than they had expected. Light was answering as if his entire attention was on his father, which probably was why he was less focused on the task in the FBI's computer.

He interrupted the talk abruptly, saying, 'Ryuzaki. They've spotted me.' I knew exactly what he meant and both of us immediately started working on getting away, and for a few minutes, nothing really happened, before both of us noticed we didn't have someone in our tails, but we knew one thing; we had to be quick, because they were looking for us.

We were quiet and worked quicker than normally, something Matsuda commented on with, 'Amazing… They work almost like two people each in normal cases… They're really something else…' Light and I just finished as if we didn't hear, personally I just felt like normal people were slow. But then again, I had been used to working, did it because it was fun to find a killer and put him behind bar and then it got easier.

We finished the search before Light asked, 'Should we leave them a message? I hacked into his computer while we were at it.' I gave him one look. He was challenging FBI by doing this and that was what Kira had done to me when I challenged him.

'Tell them to give us easier access to the information of all dead criminals.' Light smiled and nodded.

'Sign with L or not sign at all?' he asked me, and I thought for a second.

'You could actually sign with "L". Worst case scenario is that I get a call from FBI, and then we can just tell them the truth.' Light did as he was told and none of us bothered about the complaints the others made.

'So, you accept this?' he asked me, and turned the screen.

_You are making it difficult to find information about the dead criminals, hindering the investigation of Kira. I would appreciate easier access to this information or stop wasting my time trying to stop me when hacking into your system. L _

'That's good. Not something I would say as I don't normally play against the FBI, but now is a good time.' Light nodded at me with a smile and sent the short letter to the man's computer.

'Wait for reply or shutting off?' Light asked, but I told him that waiting would result in nothing more interesting than a challenge, which would help us nowhere. He smiled and did as I had told him, while his father told his son that it was not the time to play games.

Light was ignoring him, but in the end I said, 'Yagami-san. You understand I have taught Yagami-kun nothing about hacking?' The man looked confused, but confirmed it. 'If he can hack into the FBI, why not your computer at home?' They all seemed to understand what I was going to say and started protesting.

'Yagami-kun just challenged the FBI, instead of calmly backing down like he could have done. Kira did the same thing. I did the same thing.'

'When are you going to drop the accusations on my son!?' I blinked.

'Um… most likely never. I'm certain he at least was Kira, even though I can't understand how anyone would forget being, because right now he seems to be innocent.' Light sighed.

'By that same theory, you can hack into the computers and you challenge people rather than backing down, how do we know it really is L sitting next to us and not Kira.' Light's words shocked me to the extent where I for the first time didn't want to say.

I then turned away, placing another piece of sugar in my tea.

Lifting the arm with the chain, I said, 'You can't, but why would I tie myself up with someone with a mind of my own in order to prove he is guilty or innocent if I was the guilty one? I would only make it more difficult to me.'

'You could do it to prove your innocence. We still don't know how he kills, so you could use the excuse of looking for the dead ones to find next victim.'

'Same goes for you.' It seemed to be the last straw for him, who apparently was getting tired of being called Kira, so he hit me, sending me flying off my chair. I wouldn't take it, but we but started a new fight.

Matsuda's sighing words were probably explaining the situation best from their point of view:

'Ah, they're at it again.'

I look back at Light. Everything's so different now and no matter how many times I've told myself to give everything up, something's still holding onto the hope of being saved. It stops me from letting myself die, but I think it's not helping. My body is withering away due to the lack of exercise.

I shake my head slightly, taking more of the cake that Light brought me, and I keep on thinking about everything. It's going to be interesting once the kidnappers call, to see what's happening from now on. It's most likely not going to be anything pleasant, but might prove to be a challenge to Light. Or as Ryuk would call it; entertainment.

I end up waiting for that conversation but we have to wait for a long time to receive it. It's almost time to sleep as the cell phone finally makes a sound.

'Connect me,' he says in a serious tone, before he fixes some wires to the telephone to both trace the call and make me and Ryuk hear in the speakers.

'You're Yagami?' Light confirms it. 'It's about the exchange for the chef. It's off.'

'What?!' Light asks and I'm amazed he manages to sound shocked with that smirk on his face.

'Takimura is dead. But when I say it's off we mean exchanging the chef for the notebook.' Light looks like he's prepared to do anything now in order to keep them from getting the notebook.

'We'll exchange it for Yagami Sayu instead.' Light stares into the room for a couple of seconds and doesn't seem to be certain of what to say but the one on the line doesn't seem to care.

'You're a detective, but we want you to not contact the police. If we see any suspect movement on the side of the police, your sister is as good as dead. It should be simple to you. We're sending a picture of Takimura's corpse to your email address right now. Do have a good look. We'll contact you again tomorrow.' Light hangs up, before he quickly takes out his home phone to call his sister.

'Hehe, things are getting really interesting again,' Ryuk states and for once I'm prepared to agree with him. It's not good that the sister is forced into this, but better that then Kira roaming around as he pleases. He needs someone to stop him, even if they don't know that's what they're doing.

He keeps pressing the repeat on the call button at the same time he looks from where the call was made. His gaze darkens and he takes out his work phone, and while continuing to wait for Sayu to pick up, he calls another number to ask someone to find her cell phone.

As he hangs up both phones I ask, 'That changed your opinion? You could kill your father, why not your sister?' I don't really mean to give him courage, I just want an explanation.

'Dad knew he might die. Sayu has no idea and I don't want to put her through it.' I hear the undertone that he's trying to hide; it hurt too much killing his father, he can't do it to another family member.

He suddenly grabs his private phone again and he calls a number.

'Mom, is Sayu home?' I hear him ask, and I sigh. It's obvious that Light isn't planning to give up until he's gotten proof. When he hears the answer, he sinks down into his chair, looking highly worried.

He ends the call shortly after, calling another number, asking someone if they know where Sayu is. When they apparently don't, he asks when they last saw her.

'Thank you. Sorry for calling this late at night,' he says and hangs up.

He bites his lip roughly, staring into the screen of the computer that is showing nothing more than the desktop. It makes me retire to my own thoughts, ignoring Ryuk's chuckling.

If I was Light, I would probably have let Sayu die, but on the other hand, I know I don't get along with people or get connections to them very easily. With Light's feelings I would not let her die, but follow the course he's following now.

However, by an exchange, Light will be forced to show himself openly in a way he never does anymore and he would have to leave some of his powers. With his other notebook and Mikami's, it's not a problem really, but leaving that amount of power to just anyone isn't the perfect scenario.

If Watari had been alive and I had Light's feelings, I would have sent him. I could trust him to get the job done and no one would question him. It was the best solution, but Light doesn't have Watari, he only has himself and Ryuk, who won't exactly do as he wants, and can't manage to do this on his own.

On the front of the kidnappers… most likely they will be keeping a close eye on the new hostage, knowing she can also commit suicide if they let her out of their sights. Right now they're probably preparing the place for the exchange as well, to make it as safe for them as possible.

I sigh softly. There's nothing I can do, and even though my brain is working full speed, it either ends the thoughts quickly or leaves them in loops. The best thing I can do is to wait until tomorrow, when Light will receive the next call about the meeting. If waiting is all I can do, I might as well go to bed, so I lie down, turning my back towards the other two in the room.

Light is probably too worried to be able to sleep anything tonight so I don't even ask him. If he wants to sleep, he probably won't sleep here either, he prefers leaving for his own room when time comes to go to bed. I don't know, either it's because he's trying to show me that I don't mean anything to him, or he's taking precautions to not get too attached to me. There are so many things that could happen if he does.

I hear him move a bit and hear him dial a new number on one of his phones.

'Yagami here. I have bad news. They have changed the deal. No, not the demand. Director Takimura is dead.' I hear the screams from the other side, as the fear and anger fill the man he's talking to. 'Please calm down. I know this is bad. Yes, they have a new threat. No, it's a lot more personal, I will handle everything myself, there is no need for you to know more than I told you now. Do you want the pictures he sent to prove the director's death or do you believe me? They are not pleasant. I understand. Yes, good night.' He ends the call, but I decide not to move, I'll just let myself fall asleep. It's obvious he called the vice-director and told him about the incident.

It's nothing of importance. He didn't tell the man about the other exchange. I have nothing more I need to think about until tomorrow.

_It was another fight. Not the kind the others knew, but the fight for dominance. Our lips were tightly pressed against each other's and all four hands trail over all skin presented. Fingers trailing over sensitive spots sending tingling feelings all through the body as well as the playful feeling I always got. It was a feeling caused by the fact that we weren't supposed to do this; it was almost ok considering the fact that both of us were male, but he had a girlfriend and colleagues aren't supposed to have relationships. Not within this kind of work. _

_Standing on all fours above him was always the best way of hindering him from reclaiming the top and he always plays on the same trick when I'm in the bottom. Though right now, he seemed to be waiting for the chance to catch me off guard. _

_I broke the kiss, looking into his eyes. The predatory glint was there and I couldn't decide if I liked it or wanted him to be accepting my dominance this time. _

_He put an arm around my neck and he leaned up to kiss and lick my neck, down to the shoulder, where he bit roughly. I stopped myself from moaning, but my breath hitched slightly by the pain which just added to the pleasure. My reply was to dig my nails into his chest, but he forced me away immediately. _

_Before I'd been able to get over that, he pressed me backwards, forcing me down under him with my head by the foot end of the bed. I looked up at him and at once directed my attention at his lips that started to caress my chest. _

_It was really nice and but my hands trailed over his body, mostly his back, to give something back, while planning to reclaim the top position. _

'_Ryuzaki?' he said softly, in a questioning tone. I looked up at him and replied the short kiss while waiting for him to go on with whatever he was going to say. 'You're really cruel, you know that?' I raised an eyebrow, but replied the next fierce kiss. _

'_What?' I asked him when he broke the kiss. _

'_We're supposed to be lovers and I don't know anything about you.' His words made me suspicious, but I let him kiss me roughly again. It wasn't like his words made any difference to the fight, not to start with. I just didn't reply, but let my hands become bolder, touching more intimately around the others' thighs._

_I manage to push him back into the mattress and I bite down on his shoulder, hearing a short moan escape his lips, but he pushes me away to make sure he won't get any marks that would make Amane wonder what was going on. _

'_So… what do you want to know?' I asked him, but he just kissed me roughly for a few seconds. _

'_I just… I don't even know how old you are… and how am I supposed to seduce you if I can't even call your name?' I roll my eyes. _

'_I'm 24. 25 in a couple of weeks really. Seduction is for love and I thought we agreed on feelings being in the way which means, you don't need my name for that. Next option, you need it to write in the notebook.' Light glared at me and after a second, I felt his hand gripping painfully hard over my erection. _

_I tried to stop my own whine but I wasn't too successful, but as he didn't remove his hand, I leaned up, hitting my head into his. It caught him enough off guard for me to be able to move his hand and force us around so I once again reclaim the top. _

_He clutched his head, in pain after the hit, but I simply forced his legs apart and forced my way inside of him. I could see him bite down in his lip roughly to stop himself from moaning in protest as he was forced apart without preparation. But honestly, none of us _could_ prepare the other, because we wouldn't be still long enough to finish the preparations. We took the pain rather than the humiliation of accepting a loss before it really was too late. That was simply how we worked between the two of us. _

_I started moving in and out of him and I said, 'Kira or not, no one knows my name…' I stopped. 'Perhaps the Shinigami does, but I'm not even sure they're allowed to tell the names of someone… I gotta ask…'_

'_If you're going to think about that now, pull it out,' Light stated but I started moving again, rocking him roughly onto the mattress. He forced me down into a kiss and after a short while our tongues were battling a new battle. _

_It was just like us, everything we did was battling each other no matter which way it was. He started clawing on my back, and I could feel the pain adding to the pleasure. _

_I got my hand between our bodies and I stroked him, wanted to make him come. His breath got heavier and the occasional moan was deeper even though it wasn't much louder, but it was still enough to satisfy me more. _

_As he finally came and tightened around me, I sighed with relief, but it came out as a moan as I released inside of him. We broke the kiss and looked at each other before I rolled off him and sat up in bed, looking for my clothes that had been shattered all over the room. _

'_Where are you going?' Light asked me._

'_I'm going to ask the shinigami if she can see everyone's names and if she's allowed to talk about them.' Light sighed._

'_Now?'_

'_Yes, I'm curious,' I state, before leaving the room. The good thing with having the chain removed, I didn't have to wait for him to dress if I wanted to hurry after sex. _

…

**AN:** WOHO! Finally… it's been… almost a year since I last could write a sex scene, so I really had to push myself to be able to finish this one… I hope you're happy with it though, even though it's a part where L is dominant. But hey, it's L's dream, he'll remember the best parts for him, more often than the times he's submissive ^^


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** Hi everyone! Right now, I'm hyper and drunk (don't eat one sandwich and three cookies during the entire day and then drink one liter of alcoholic drink if you're not used to drinking alcohol… sure, it's great fun, but perhaps not the greatest idea)… and I want to apologize for handing out this so late… Ihave a few more chapters that are finished, but I'll put them out one after another, and now I've just started the Swedish equivalent to college, so I'll have pretty much to do, so I won't be updating often… I have to focus as this is something I really need to be able to create my own work later on. So I will continue to update until my chapters run out, then I'll simply see how much time I'll have to write more, but there _are_ chapters coming up, just not so quickly as they have been before. Please be patient ^^,

**Chapter 6: Meeting N**

I wake up to the sound of the telephone ringing, and I open my eyes slowly, turning around to look at Light in the chair. I can immediately see that he's recording the conversation.

'I want to hear her voice!' Light demands, as he glares into the screen in front of him. 'Why not? What have you…?' Light gets silent. He swallows nervously and I sit up to watch him more carefully, sitting back up in my normal position, even though I haven't been able to sit like that for years.

'I just want to know she's safe!' Light seems to be getting angry at the kidnappers and I hear Ryuk laugh next to Light. He hears the other end of the line, but I don't.

Light suddenly hurries to put his hands to the keyboard and not long after, he looks relieved. That must mean he believes Sayu is alive. He then continues to look through the computer, and he nods silently but I want to be in on his plans now.

'What now?' I ask.

'They called from 5th street in Los Angeles, so they were probably well aware that we traced their call and they did not care. Sayu is alive according to the picture they sent and they want to trade her for the notebook at Lake Hotel in L.A. I can't go there and make arrangements now that I'm alone so they will have the upper hand. And if I don't go, they will kill Sayu and they will try to find me afterwards. I would be in as deep trouble as if I actually go there. Unfortunately I will be showing my own face, which I do not want… but I cannot change it so that someone else goes.' I nod slightly and absently touch my lip as I'm thinking.

'I take it you would want to send Mikami, because then your face would remain unknown.' Light nods and looks into the computer. Then he seems to remember something and I see in his eyes he silently starts to plan.

'I have to go myself and I cannot be wired in any way, but I do have the cooperation of the SPK to find the killer of Director Takimura. Which means they can wire up the hotel before I get there. Then I can use L's alias to get the surveillance and Mikami can kill the men off. It is that simple. So I will have to contact the number you had to FBI.' He turns and looks through the computer until he finds the number.

'Would you mind letting me hear the conversation?' I ask and he nods, fixing everything so I can hear the conversation as well. He then dials and just a short while afterwards, someone answers.

'This is L,' Light states and the other line is quiet, but Light does not seem to care about that, just like I wouldn't. 'Director, I've heard about John Mcenroe, I mean agent Larry Conners, from detective Yagami. I would like you to help us with NPA Director Takimura's murder investigation.' We receive no answer and I raise an eyebrow, and just as I start to wonder what the other side is up to, I hear a rustling noise, making both me and Light aware that something is up.

Then we hear a voice, obviously distorted, say, 'L number two, nice to meet you.'

I see Light freeze in shock while I lower my head a little, looking onto the phone. This means my replacements are behind this, and they plan to challenge Light immediately. Just like I would have done.

'Number two? What do you mean by that?' Light asks. 'And who are you?' Light looks a bit nervous, like he's been cornered, but his voice holds none of the insecurities he feels.

'It's useless to try and hide it. We're a new group called the SPK which was established to capture Kira without the help of L. And about seven of the top members of this group know of L's death.' I can see Light getting more and more nervous, but I must admit I like this new boy. Yes, I remember they were young geniuses, like I had been when I started working but this boy is very much like me.

'And I'm the head of the SPK… Let's see… call me N…' Light stares at me as the boy continues to talk, but instead of bothering about Light's shocked face, I listen to what the boy has to say. 'As I said, we will no longer rely on L. This means that in the states, my orders to the CIA and FBI will be given priority over you orders. But the murder of the NPA director is definitely an unforgivable crime… And I also think that this case might lead to Kira's arrest, so I will give you all the cooperation you need.' It's Light's turn not to answer as the other gets quiet and I can see he's thinking about what he's going to do. He was definitely taken off guard with this.

'Is anything wrong, L?' N asks, putting more pressure on Light.

'N-no. To tell the truth, after the director was murdered, detective Yagami's sister was kidnapped, supposedly by the same criminals. They have contacted us to make a deal in L.A.'

'A deal? The exchange of the girl for the notebook, correct?'

'Yes…'

'Very well, I will gather as many agents as I can in L.A. without telling them the details of this case… and use satellite to watch over the L.A. area… Actually… I'll let you have total authority on this. _L_.' The last part was said with a mockery that almost hurt on me, but it must be even worse for Light as it proves the other refuses to believe what Light has tried to build up during these years.

I see Light lowering his head to look into the desk, clearly thinking carefully. He looks humiliated and actually insecure. In just a few days he's gotten cornered and this last conversation alone seems to have been enough to scare him.

'He sounded just like you…' Light admits and I blink. I sound like that? 'No… he acted just like you… and challenged me just like you would have done…' I don't say anything.

I hear Ryuk laugh and I threw an eye at him before I simply look down on the sheets, continuing to think.

Now, it does seem to be two groups, the kidnappers and this SPK with N as the leader… so I'm certain of the fact that Wammy's house is involved. And if Light thinks N is acting like me, then perhaps he would make a good second L… well, third now that Light has taken the roll as the second one. But that was never justified seeing as I'm still alive.

I want them to capture Kira, but if this kidnapper does it, I think they will kill him rather than arrest him and get him behind bars. And if that happens, no one will know about me, and I will die in here. If SPK catches him, they might question him and hopefully he tells them about me if he finds the game being lost. But a hopefully won't satisfy me, I really don't want to die…

I can't exactly tell Light now that I want them to know… wait…

'Light?' I say.

'What?' he asks, without looking up from the computer he has returned to.

'Could you promise me two things?' As he stops and turns towards me, I continue, 'These two will obviously try to catch Kira… you… If or when they fail, can you promise to make it quick for them at least?' Light looks at me with a shocked expression.

'It's not like you to care about others, so I suspect you're trying to hide the important question behind that one. But I guess I can promise not to give them something like I've given you,' he signs with his hand towards the room, 'and I will most likely kill them off quickly.' I nod.

'However… if they actually succeed in capturing you and your time actually will be over… the least you can do is to release your hostage then…'

'You want me to tell them you're alive, so they'll find you?' I nod.

'Yes.' Light turns away from me.

'If I get the opportunity, perhaps I will… but I have no plans of letting these two leagues get me. If you couldn't, neither will they be able to. You were number one after all.' I sigh quietly.

'And number two, and number three. Who says these ever were my competition? SPK seems to be a very new branch and after all, they have somehow found a leak that was not supposed to exist. I think I would have been able to find it as well, but these new parts have shown they're forces to be reckoned with.' Light turns back with a glare.

'What, you think I would actually lose to these guys? You're actually getting your hopes up of getting saved?' I shake my head, even though he's right.

'I think I'm going to steal Ryuk's words; this is getting interesting.' I hear Ryuk laugh and Light turns away again, shaking his head slightly.

'You two seems to be hanging too much.'

'Well, seeing we're both bored out of our minds and something actually happens here so we want to watch, you could say we have certain traits in common.' Light sighs and turns his full attention to the computer as he tries to fix something. I simply wait for something to happen. Soon Light will have to go to L.A. and I'm going to be left behind, so if something happens to Light I will be in trouble.

Movement from Light's side makes me look up and I see him dial a number on his cell phone. I look carefully at him and waits for the other to pick up so I can hear who Light calls and why.

'Mikami, skip gym today. Go straight home, I need to let you know some information.' Light stands up and walks out of the room, leaving me to my thoughts of why Mikami needs to know information at this time.

Most likely he needs someone to keep an eye out in Japan when he leaves, but I don't think Light would bother showing himself for something like that. So there must be something else, or perhaps something more. I see Ryuk follow Light, so he's more interested in knowing what Light plans than to keep me company. I can't say I'm surprised, but it isn't fair that he finds out everything and I don't know anything.

Yes, I am a bit jealous, but I would guess that is more than understandable. He gets to walk outside, he can know everything that happens and as long as Light does something Ryuk is content. While I can't be.

I lie down in the bed, wondering where all this will lead. Either way, right now, Light is in a corner that he has to get out from if he doesn't want to be caught soon. He hasn't faced any true competition for several years now, so he has to start thinking for real now if he wants to come out as the winner. He's also got two people to fight, so the best thing to do would be to take out one of them first to be able to focus on the bigger threat. Question is; who is the biggest threat?

This N appears to be the one Light fears the most as he said he was reminded of me, but on the other hand, the kidnapper seems to be the one taking more initiative to get things done. This means that while Light might find N to be more like me and therefore more frightening, the kidnapper can pose a bigger threat in the aspect of surprise. I don't know who the bigger threat is yet, but with the information I have so far, it does not matter too much. The kidnapper will do things to surprise an answer out of Light and probably kill him once he has the answer he wants, while this N will try to slowly gather evidence to prove Light's guilt.

The kidnapper therefore had to disappear, because Light would be able to play the same game he and I played with N. He could win over me, but he will step outside the line if the kidnapper interrupts. I won't say this to Light, but he will most likely think the same way. I don't want to risk losing the only chance of getting out of here.

But what is the chance of me being found? Light will fight into the last, until he's dead, so even though he promised me to tell them I am still alive he needs to accept a loss first. He can't. So his promise means nothing. If he's in jail perhaps he can admit he's lost, but by that time I would already be dead.

I sigh. These days I'm not able to do anything fun or relaxing, all I'm thinking about is that I might die. I wish I could think about something nice… I wish I had taken the last opportunities of happiness and peace…

Like new year, shortly after Light had killed the Task Force. Yes, I have many reasons for not being happy that time, but Light was trying his hardest to at least one night try to put a line over everything, as if we were still friends.

It was dark in Amane's old room. He had removed all light and pulled up the blinds so we both could see out, if we looked. I didn't. I refused, because I didn't want to even pretend to be satisfied for the evening. I had been relocated after he'd made me unconscious again, and I was sitting on the couch I had been sitting on every date Light and Amane had had together, stuck to the table with one handcuff with a long chain, while another normal handcuff was stuck between my right hand and my right foot.

I knew Light was standing by the window, holding a glass of champagne. I also had gotten one, but I refused to touch it. And I absolutely refused to look at Light. It had almost gone two months since I was put in chains but I still had not been weakened enough for Light to let his guard down around me and I was still fuming with anger and determination to not let the teenager beat me.

If I had calmed down perhaps I would have been able to think about the fact that he actually had tried to make everything look good. He had cleaned the room and even changed the sheets and fixed the bed. On the table stood not only my champagne glass, but a cake for the both of us and Light wanted me to celebrate the new year with him.

I wouldn't listen to that.

'If you don't want to celebrate the new year, how about saying goodbye to a good last year?'

'Like what parts?' I asked him, not in the mood to cheer up.

'Well, how about when you revealed yourself to me, and got closer to the one you suspected was Kira. First time being out in the real world and got a taste for it.'

'It was unnerving, but necessary for the case,' I stated, not interested in trying to find the positive side of it all.

'How about finding Misa and I had a relationship so you could point out she was second Kira?' Light tried again.

'All I got through that was frustration…'

'Yes, when you tried to interrogate her, but right when you captured her.' I didn't bother replying. I just tried to fight the handcuff that was around the hand and the foot.

'You can't say it wasn't satisfying to capture Higuchi at least!' Light exclaimed, but I just shrugged.

'He gave us… or rather _me_ important clues, and some would even prove false.' Light sighed and just turned away from me, looking out through the window.

'There's absolutely no clouds tonight… it's really beautiful. It's a perfect weather that starts of the new year. The only thing missing is that you sheer up.' I refused to reply and kept on staring into the room while I continued to work on destroying or slipping out of the handcuffs.

I could hear him moving, but I didn't bother. He placed himself behind me and I felt his arm slip around my shoulders and he pressed my back onto his body. His other hand placed itself around my wrist that was tied to the leg.

'Stop fighting, you're going to start bleeding again. It's not going to do anything other than hurting you, you can't escape.' I turned my head from his as he leaned down enough to rest his chin on my right shoulder. I knew he was right, but I didn't want to give up, so I felt confused. I had never lost a war before, even though I had lost a couple of battles. But now, I had lost my first war. And that hurt too much to accept, so I kept on fighting even though my mind already had accepted the loss.

Light hugged me tightly before he moved around the table to sit down in the couch next to me. I kicked out immediately with the leg that was not tied to anything, but Light had been prepared. He gripped my foot and before I had been able to do anything, he sat down on it. It hurt, but also I wasn't used to having my leg completely straight, so it felt entirely wrong to have it there. But I couldn't pull my leg back without the other leg, which was tied to my hand, effectively stopping that movement, I was forced to remain that way.

Since I really disliked it, I ended up glaring at Light. Glaring so hard even Light had problems ignoring it. But he did his best and just tried to relax into the couch as he waited for the clock to get closer to midnight.

Ryuk emerged from the shadows where he had been standing and asked, 'What will happen this year then? Won't it be boring now?' Light shook his head.

'No, Ryuk. This is where the fun starts. This is when you will see a whole world fall to the ground before me. I am going to increase the speed of eliminating the criminals and I will prove to the world I got away from L. But I will still have to hold back, as I will pretend to be L myself, in order to gain the respect from the police and those against Kira.' My piercing look cannot have been pleasant to feel and as I glared up at Ryuk, he even took a step backwards. He understood just how angry I was and understood that he would get into the crossfire of my anger if he tried to talk to me.

We had been talking a few nights at this point, but he was still not considered a friend like he would become later. So he kept some distance to me.

'It's five minutes left until midnight,' Light stated and looked at me. 'Do you want to continue to be angry, or can we at least eat some cake in peace?'

'Can you remove the handcuffs?' I asked and glared. We both knew the answer to that question was the same answer as the one Light had asked me, so we returned to silence, but Light moved to cut some pieces of the cake. He put one next to the champagne glass he had given to me and took the other himself and he looked at Ryuk.

'Your apples are in the drawer over there, in case you want some.' Ryuk flew at the drawer and Light turned away from him, ignoring the "why didn't you say so earlier?" comment from the shinigami.

I watched Light pour up some more champagne into his glass, but I was finding it boring to just glare at Light, so I turned away my gaze, now actually looking through the window.

It really was a beautiful night. I could see far from everything from where I was cuffed, but I could still see the streetlights of the city mingle with the soft light from twinkling stars onto the dark dark blue sky which appeared to be softer than the softest silk.

It made me want to reach out for the sky and just feel the air grab me away, even though that was nothing that was even possible. I didn't know what to do, watching the sky felt soothing and a part of me even wanted to relax, but I couldn't show Light that he had been right.

So I simply looked away again, looked down at the table and tried to imagine I was somewhere else, away from Light. But I couldn't. This past year had been… interesting… but they had also affected me in a way I had never been affected before. Light was right, I had been happy in ways I hadn't been before. The tennis game with him, talking with him on the café, finding Misa… just finding someone who was very much like me had made the year wonderful… and that person, my very first friend, would turn against me in the way he had.

Sure, I had known he would, but it was still a surprise when he did. I thought that I would be dead or would win when I found out, not this…

'Thirty seconds to the new year. Any New Year promise, Lawliet?' Light asked me.

'One day, maybe not next year, but one day in the future, you will regret chaining me like this.' Light just smiled.

'If you say so. This year will become the first year of Kira's reign where I will truly be known all over the world.' He smiled and raised his glass, but I looked away from him, and out through the window.

Just a few seconds later, I could see the dark sky lighten up in a green color and shortly after, I could hear the fireworks starting, and the sky changed color regularly. It was still beautiful, but the peaceful view was gone. I couldn't see any of the fireworks, I just saw them coloring the sky temporarily.

I leaned back and saw Light go over to the window to get a better view and I saw him changing colors along with the sky. It was a beautiful picture and would create an excellent post card, but I was too hurt to think about the beauty in what I saw.

'In a few days we will move. I have fixed a place for you, where I also can work. I'm also recovering everything Watari destroyed, so soon I will be able to take over yours and his role as the detective L and his assistant.' He wasn't looking at me, his eyes were kept on the fireworks.

'Why will you bother hiding my… "death"? Not what you said to Ryuk, because you can scare people into obeying, you don't need to have both sides.' Now Light turned to me, and he smiled.

'Because if they find out L was killed by Kira, someone will want to take L's place and try to hunt me down. This way, even if people understand L is dead, I will have grown too strong during the time they haven't known.' I rolled my eyes.

'If you say so.' I replied, thinking. I knew very well that Watari had put up some device which would tell Wammy's house we were both dead, something that would go off even if only he died. It was the best solution to everything we figured. I didn't even know where the device was and could not disarm it, I would have to call Roger to tell him I was not dead, but Watari was.

I turned my head back to the window and looked at both the killer by the window and the color changes. If he only knew what was waiting for him, he would not stand there, peaceful.

The thought was comforting so I could finally relax enough to take the cake he had given me and eat up. I could see Light turn his head and look at me, but I pretended like I didn't and when he turned back to the window, I looked up at him to see a small smile over his lips. He probably thought he had won something, but if he had been able to hear my thoughts, he would probably be worried rather than satisfied.

…

**AN: **Yay, Near has made an entrance! And I'm starting to realize following the manga is bothersome, because I end up reading ahead instead of writing what's standing in the book… oh well, I'll know the later part of the manga well after this *shrugs*


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:** Gash, I'm sorry guys, things seem to go very slow to me right now… I'm not getting anywhere on anything… the college is draining my energy quickly… but here's another chapter for you to read!

**Chapter 7: Helping Kira**

When Light left me this morning, I thought I wouldn't be seeing anyone for two days. The amount of food he gave me said the same thing, so I prepared myself to have a very boring time for a couple of days with the TV:s as my only company.

I'm therefore highly confused hearing the key open the door to my prison. I sit up, confused, because if my calculations are correct, Light is in L.A. right now, no matter how I look at it. Or on a plane there, because if he doesn't sit on a plane, he must have missed the last flight and that would mean Sayu dies.

As the door open, I find myself looking at a man I have never met before. He has long black hair and wears a black suit. He looks like a normal business man, but his determined eyes resting on me are unnerving.

Light didn't tell me someone else would arrive… but he only spoke to Mikami what I know… which means this man is Light's follower.

'Kami told me to go down here and make sure you don't die. Though I have yet to know who you are and why he keeps you here,' the man states.

'I'm his arch enemy and he wants to show me how this world can be changed… I take it you're Mikami Teru?' He nods. 'Could you tell me what is going on with this whole thing? How much do you know?' He sits down in the chair and I see him start working on the computer.

'The kidnapping you mean?' I nod, disliking his short tone towards me.

'Don't be so suspicious of me, I'm chained to a bed, what do you think I can do if you tell me?' I say, as an attempt to make him open up a little. 'Ryuk gives me more information than you do.' By those words, Mikami turns towards me. His eyes makes me nervous, but I know he already can read both my name and my life span, so there's nothing more I can hide from him.

'Kami will tell you when he gets back, if he finds it safe. I am only here to play the part of L, should it be necessary. Now quiet.' He seems to put the cell phone onto the table and connects everything to the computer.

Then I hear N's distorted voice say, 'L, I'm going to borrow these two for a bit.' Mikami's eyes darken.

'What had you planned to do?' he asks.

'I just want to ask them a couple of questions. I'll make sure you can hear the questioning. If we're lucky, we may even be able to determine who the kidnapper is.' Mikami answers shortly.

'Do what you must.'

We both sit quiet, listening to the lacking information Sayu, before N goes over to Light.

'Mr. Yagami, it seems your sister didn't see any of the kidnappers' faces, or speak with them much at all. You were using a wireless earphone to listen to the instructions of the man who claimed to be the mastermind… can you please remember anything you noticed?' N asks.

'He scrambled his voice, so it was impossible to notice age or something like that…' We hear interruption from the side where N is.

'We've located the missile at last.' Missile?

'What is he talking about?' I ask Mikami who just glare at me and shortly turn off the microphone.

'Stay silent and listen.'

'The mic can't pick up my voice, it's constructed to not take up anything further away than 60 centimeters. Insurance from Light's view as I am in the room.'

'Light?' Mikami asks.

'Yagami Light. That's your god's name. Yes we're on first name basis. You tend to drop the polite attitude towards people who can't bother to be polite towards you. Among other things.' I realize we have missed a small part of the conversation in the other end.

'… from Hudson Bay. It's highly likely they're parts from the missile, and I've sent people to recover them.' Another voice takes over.

'Calculating from the time they launched the missile, it means that it's been close to two hours since it crashed…' I'm still confused over this missile. What did the kidnappers do with a missile?

'If they put the notebook inside something that would survive the landing, and would float, then there are numerous ways to collect it. By boat, hydroplane, hydrohelicopter… L, were you listening?' Now this starts to make sense, but I still want more information.

'Yes,' Mikami answers after turning on the microphone again.

'We have no choice but to conclude that the notebook has already fallen into the hands of the kidnappers. You basically handed it to them on a platter, unable to do anything about it…' Mikami swallows nervously, not really knowing what to say.

'How about a deal? I talk to him, and if I as much as twitch, you may kill me?' I say. Light needs this information to get closer, and I need him to have the information in order to give me a chance to get free.

Mikami reluctantly hands over the mic, but I see him take out the notebook at the same time, to prove that he would not hesitate.

'N, are you claiming you would have done a better job, or that you would have sacrificed these two for this? We could never have known the kidnappers would be this well prepared.' I say, looking straight into the eyes of my so called guard.

'Sacrificing them might have been the best solution. However… that doesn't mean that I have no clue of who was behind this, and I have already thought of a plan to get the notebook back.'

'A plan to get the notebook back?' I ask, knowing that Light would say something like that, trying to fish all information possible out of N.

'If we're able to identify who took the notebook, then L, I want you to… threaten them by claiming that as the great L, with the power to command all the police forces of the world, you would make the names and photographs of the kidnappers public. If their names and faces become public, Kira will kill them… if they don't want to die, then they have no choice but to give the notebook back to us. It is not my type of plan, but it should work…Of course, once we get the notebook back, we'll arrest them.'

'I see,' I say, personally thinking it was a very simple plan, and held many flaws.

'So when the time comes, I'll need your cooperation.' I decide to risk it.

'But if we go with that plan, we must find the names and faces of all the criminals. It is most likely a large organization and some of them would more than likely sacrifice some of their group in order to keep the group intact. Getting the names and faces of all the members… that is most likely not even possible.' I find myself back on loving my work, even though I know this is just temporary.

'It's not a question of possible or impossible, we must do it. Now, sorry to keep you waiting Mr. Yagami. Have you been able to remember anything?' I turn off the mic and put it on the table to clearly show I'm not going to do anything with it.

'Yes, I have. He sounded confident over every word he said, even over confident at the same time it seemed like he could care less. It sounded like he was eating while talking to me,' Light admits when he speaks to N.

'Could it have been a chocolate bar? Did it sound like that from the way he was eating it?' I smile.

'N already knows who it is,' I state and Mikami nods.

'… I… I think so, it could have been, though I can't be more certain than believing it could have been, I'm afraid.'

'Light, I'm going to go some sightseeing around L.A..' Both me and Mikami react at the statement. Why would Ryuk leave in the middle of the fun? And hasn't he already seen most of the world from the shinigami realm? Something seems strange and most likely he needs to get away from Light… but why would he need that?

I reach out for the microphone, knowing I must talk to him again. I look at Mikami to see he's OK with me talking again.

'N, considering the questions you have asked, you have a clue who the kidnapper is. Tell me and I will look for that person as well.' Mikami seems satisfied with such a question at least.

'L, I don't want to tell you that. We'll search for the kidnappers by ourselves.' I bite my lip. If they can't work together, I will get nothing out of this…

'Weren't you going to cooperate with us?' I ask, knowing that's also something Light would be able to say.

'When I said I would cooperate, I was talking about the kidnapping investigation. And I clearly stated that we'd talk about the notebook and Kira after that, But you practically let the kidnappers have the notebook…

'As I just said, once we've been able to determine who the kidnaper is, then I'll need your help announcing the names and faces of the culprits. Apart from that, I don't need your cooperation.' I lean over to the table, taking a piece of cake from the tray Light gave me before leaving and I start eating, as I know N isn't finished.

'The original L gave his life… and proved to the world that a mass murder named Kira is lurking somewhere in Japan. He was even able to find out what Kira was using to do those killings. But even though you've taken over L's place, you've done nothing.' Oh, Light won't be happy hearing that.

'Not only that, I think that Kira's public approval has been increased because of you. I can't expect anything worthwhile from you. Your response to the kidnappers made that clear.' Honestly, this bantering would be so fun to have with Light. Especially when I can see his face.

'That goes for the Japanese police as well. Detective Yagami might be a force to reckon with, but he seems to be closely linked to you and the head of the Japanese police does not seem to know anything about the case. We'll catch the kidnappers and Kira by ourselves.' I get a new piece of cake into my mouth and start to think. All this is meant to be an insult to me, as I'm supposed to be the second L who apparently is incompetent, so my silence is not strange.

If they don't cooperate, I will be back at square one. I need them to work together in order to gain from it all. I could ask him to reconsider, but he _has_ given more than sufficient cause of not wanting to work with Light.

'Urgh…' I hear from the other end and a thud reaches us. Then panic seems to occur in the other end and then I hear a gunshot.

'N, what is going on? What was that gunshot?' I ask him and I hear N say in a disappointed way:

'They got us.'

'Got you?' I ask, to get more information from him.

'Most of the people here… no, most of the members of the SPK have just been killed. I did sense a spy connected to the kidnappers… but now that they've got the notebook, they've decided to kill the spy so that we can't get to them, rather than getting more of our information.'

'Did they get everyone except you?' I ask.

'No, I had the personnel records sealed, so some weren't killed. I won't tell you how many of us are left, but there aren't many. I wanted to find the spy first, but they got to us faster.' I swallow and turn off the microphone, turning to Mikami.

'This can be our chance to find out information about the kidnappers, but N won't just give it to us. I can give them same information the kidnappers got, with the rules of the Death Note and so on. There are also two false rules, which I will give them.' Mikami thinks for a few seconds before nodding. I turn the microphone back on.

'N… I take it this is your first personal experience of the notebook. It will also be difficult for you now to get new agents joining, because they will be terrified of the notebook's powers.'

'Yes, I was somewhat prepared for this when _you_ handed the notebook away to the kidnappers, but it sure does hurt.' I'm quiet for a while, like I'm biting my tongue to hold a sharp answer in.

'We won't get anywhere going at each others' throats like this. We are on the same case, at least we could be sharing the information we know… to get the notebook back as quickly as possible, and arrest Kira.' It's N's turn to be quiet, considering the suggestion.

'What do you mean by sharing our information?' he asks in the end.

'You tell us about who you think the kidnapper is. In return, I'll give you information about the notebook. There are many rules and regulations for using that notebook to kill people. Knowing about them would most likely help with your investigation.' It gets quiet again, most likely N is thinking about whether he dares share information that _will_ lead to information about N himself.

'… Very well, L2. Let us share information.' N's decision is said with determination, but the hesitation beforehand shows clearly he is not happy with this.

'The person I think is behind this goes by the nickname Mello. I don't have a photograph or his real name. All I know is that Mello was in an orphanage called Wammy's house in Winchester England until four years ago.' I knew it. They're both my replacements, fighting about my place as L. I hide the victory I feel and I start to tell N about the rules in the front and the back of the notebook.

As I'm finished, N soon hangs up and I do the same, handing the microphone over to Mikami who places it back on its original place. Light will know by the recording that I was the one speaking, so he will most likely be angry, but we'll simply tell him the truth. I can tell him the truth a step further than I told Mikami. Mikami might still be in the room when I tell Light, it doesn't matter.

'Do you still have no intentions of talking to me about something of interest?' I ask Mikami, and he shakes his head.

'No, if Kami wants you to know things he will tell you himself.'

'Fine, then I'm going to sleep, and wait for him to get back.' I turn my back to him and lay down in the bed again. I'm actually really tired due to all of this, I haven't been allowed to do anything, now I have been. It's actually surprising to see that something this small can make me tired, but still I have to admit that I am just a human after all.

Falling asleep goes quicker than it normally does and the next thing I know, is a hand softly stroking my face. I move slightly before opening my eyes, looking up into Light's face. That means he's returned and fixed everything with taking Sayu home. So I slept as long as I had planned to sleep. That's good.

Light's hands suddenly slam into the mattress on both sides of my face and he glares at me.

'Mikami told me you helped us. Why?' he demands to know.

'You need to get closer to find them, they need to be closer to find you. If they find you, they might find me.' I don't say more, and I don't have to, Light already understands, and the thought apparently amuses him, going by the smirk that forms on his lips.

'You really believe I will lose towards these two, don't you? I'm just getting started playing with them.' I look away, clearly not impressed by his words.

He moves again and starts playing up the recorded version of what me and N said to each other. As we get to the part where N starts claiming Light is useless as the new L, I look carefully at Light, whose eyes gets dark and piercing. I just enjoy watching it, while Mikami (who actually still is in the room) backs away slightly as he sees the wrath in his God's eyes. Even the air around him shifts.

But then N's colleagues are killed and I see the anger be replaced with a cruel smirk. He's satisfied things go bad for N. But to me, this is just like when I lost the FBI agents so I don't care too much. As the information is traded, Light sees I'm staying within my limitations of what I found out when we captured Higuchi, without including the shinigami.

'I thought you would tell them about Rem…' I shake my head.

'That would be crossing my limitations. Besides, people would not believe in shinigami unless they see them on their own, and what can we say about Rem? She died? People will have difficulties grasping they exist, that they can die at all is something they can't grasp without a lot of thinking.' Light nods and he sits down next to me on the bed.

'Wammy's house…that was the institute Watari founded…' I nod.

'Figured it out yet?' I ask and he looks at me with a questioning look.

'Apparently not. Go there and have a look and I think you will soon understand some things.' He looks confused, but he turns away from me for now.

'Mikami, I thank you for your help so far…' Mikami looks like he just doesn't know what to say or do, but Light doesn't bother about that. 'I have a few more things I want to speak to you about, so let us go upstairs.'

I look at Ryuk who stands in the corner and ask, 'Ryuk… could you keep me company?' Light turns to me, and then looks at Ryuk.

'Do what you want, you won't miss much from my talk to Mikami.' Ryuk nods and gets over to me. If I ask to talk to Ryuk, I normally have something interesting to say, or a question to ask and I give some of my own knowledge back, something Ryuk has learnt during these years. Too bad Light never finds out what we talk about in private, we are allowed to have that personal space at least.

Light closes the door after him and Mikami and locks the door, leaving me and Ryuk alone.

'Sightseeing in L.A.? Why do I get the feeling it was not something you really did?' Ryuk scratches his head.

'I don't know…' he states.

'How about the fact I know you've been looking at the entire world long enough from the shinigami realm that "sightseeing" is not something you really need.' Ryuk shrugs.

'You caught me. I couldn't start talking into thin air.' I raise a questioning eyebrow, asking him to continue. To my surprise, he points onto the empty place beside him.

'This is Sidoh… he lost his notebook in the shinigami realm and I said it was mine and then I wrote rules in it and dropped it on Earth… It was the one Light just traded to the kidnappers.' I blink.

'But didn't that belong to Rem?' Ryuk shrugs.

'It did, after Light had us trading notebooks for some reason… I believe it was so Misa would get me as her Shinigami, so she would be allowed to do the eye trade with me. Rem wouldn't have let her do that. And Light trusted she would not say anything stupid, while I would just answer or not answer, whatever I felt like.' I nod slightly.

'Well, Mello might be hard to find. After all, he and N are my heirs. Or well, L's. One of them would become L if I would die. And since they believe I am dead, they are now battling over the role by trying to solve the Kira case. That's at least my suspicions, but this Mello… could have other motives, after all, he does not care about the police at all.' Ryuk looks at the shinigami I can't see before turning to me.

'Can we do something to find him?' I think silently.

'Well, I believe that if he is anything like me, he would not own it himself. He would let someone else own it, especially if he sees the thirteen days rule. He will want to test it. Light will probably think about this too, so he will put Mikami on looking through the archive of previously caught criminals and people who are on the run. One of them will most likely be the owner so you can find him. So if Sidoh follows Mikami, he will be able to find them before we do. And perhaps get his notebook back… though I doubt Mello is going to let go of it that easily. You will simply have to wait…' I think for a few seconds.

'It will most likely not take more than two years before this story will meet its end and if N comes out as the winner, or if Mello gets a hold on all Death Notes, you would most likely get your book back. If Light gets the book back, he will question you and if you have no intention of letting your book back to another human, he could possibly let you go with your book. He already has two.' Ryuk nods and looks like he's about to leave.

'Wait!' I bite my lip, not fully sure what to say. 'Sidoh, could you do me a favor?' Ryuk looks at the other shinigami and then answers for him.

'If the rules let him, he can.'

'Can he tell Mello something like… "When looking for my notebook… I found someone you might be interested in… The real L, alive, but captured"?' If he wonders how you can be certain, you can probably say the truth, we spoke, but then he will think you can be seen by others and I don't know if you're allowed to talk about other shinigami… Ryuk is, so I guess that shouldn't be a problem.'

'It is a problem, I have my notebook, so I can say whatever I want to. Sidoh is connected to only the one Mello has, he's not allowed to speak about other notebooks to humans, and neither other shinigami. But you could say you can't say how you know due to our rules.' The last thing Ryuk says to the shinigami and I sigh.

'It would help me a lot… If Mello finds out I'm alive, I believe he will either try to pressure someone of the information of where I am, or he would let some information slip to N… Or else he just wants to be number one and then I'm going to be a threat as well, so he could ignore it. It is better than not doing anything at least. Your help is very much appreciated, Sidoh.'

I lie back in the bed and I see Ryuk leaving with the words, 'Let's go and see if Mikami has started looking for the one who has your notebook.'

I smile for myself. Thanks to Ryuk sharing more information to me than Light, I might get an advantage now. Mello will find out I'm still alive. Question is if he's going to believe it, or if he'll simply throw it in Light's face, that he knows of it… if he does, things might get complicated. Even more so than before.

…

**AN:** This fic is writing itself far too much… my first personal reaction to this was "_L, what are you doing?!_ You're not supposed to talk to Sidoh! You're ruining everything!" … so much for planning a story… OK, I don't plan much, but I had one thing planned, that probably won't happen now… dammit! xD

Anyway, I love reviews~


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **I think I'm meant to apologizing to you people for my own inefficiency of working on my fanfics… this is the reason why I don't post anything of the hundreds of things I'm writing, it takes years for me to finish everything… I lose interest for a while and then reassume it… This fanfic IS going to be finished sometime, but it might take a while. Either be patient or try to egg me on by reviews, both works fine~

Enjoy the chapter.

**Chapter 8: Exchange**

I spend a few hours alone, before Light finally comes back down to me.

'Next time you plan to send someone else down here, it would be nice with a little warning.' I tell him, but he just smiles, before leaning down, kissing me. I reply on the kiss, softly playing with his lips. He gets into the bed, placing himself on all four above me, teasing my lips with his tongue between the soft kisses.

'Your followers would cry if they saw you like this,' I say, but he just smirks, nibbling my bottom lip softly.

'They won't.' Is his only answer, before his tongue slips into my mouth, gently stroking my own.

I turn my head away and Light looks surprised.

'You're just going to use me to get rid of your stress… when I don't even know what happened?' He blinks.

'Mikami didn't tell you about the trade?' He asks, sounding truly surprised.

'He didn't want to talk to me at all, so you have to tell me.' Light sits up with a sigh, which usually means he's giving up. He's now sitting on top of me though and if anyone would have been able to enter, they would say this is a highly embarrassing position for us to be in. Though, the only one I know who can enter is Mikami and if he would try something, Light would kill him.

I don't count the shinigami, Ryuk already knows and Sidoh seemed to be unable to talk about people with others, so he can't even talk to others about it. He might be confused and ask Ryuk about it, but he would only get an answer such as "that's what makes them interesting".

'So, I was not very interested in waiting for long at the airport, so I arrived late.' Light starts. 'I got through the checkpoints easily, they didn't look me up, so they did not see that I had put the notebook into my shirt instead of in the suitcase I carried. I then went towards the plane, but a man caught up with me, asking if I was Yagami Light. I confirmed his suspicions.

''Are you one of the kidnappers?' I asked.

''Yes, I've been waiting for you since yesterday,' the man stated and then started talking, probably to someone on the phone.

''We will make it to the SE333 in perfect time,' he said and then he simply started talking to me again. 'We will get on that flight, gate 18.' I gave a short nod to show I had understood and then I went to gate 18 and he handed me a ticket. I took it and we boarded the plane shortly before it was to depart.

'We sat down and he handed me a PDA and a wireless earphone which I put in my ear. Immediately I heard someone talking to me.

''Yagami, only you can hear my voice. Not even the man next to you can hear me, so listen closely,' the scrambled voice said. 'I am the mastermind behind your sister's kidnapping. I have no interest in the lives of you or your sister. At this moment, all I want is the notebook. As long as you do what I say I won't lay a finger on either of you. I've even thought up an exchange that you will feel satisfied with. So no tricks.' After that the person became quiet and I simply sat quiet, waiting for the plane to land.

'I asked Mikami before if something more happened when I was on the plane, and he said that he figured out the name of the man on the plane, and they found out the plane was moving off course, but he did as I had told him, asked N to keep the airlines, the police and the military from attacking and N apparently listened to him.

'Time went slowly and Ryuk even complained about it, but I didn't bother. I couldn't ask him to be quiet either. But in the end, the mastermind, Mello, talked again.

''Listen up, Yagami. Before that plane reaches L.A., it's going to make a pit stop. That's where your sister will be. The plane's going to drop you off, and then we'll exchange your sister for the notebook. As long as you don't try to do anything funny, I assure you that both of you will not be killed. The rest of the passengers on that plane are only going to be late getting to L.A. and nothing will happen to them either.' He seemed to sound like he was talking about something that didn't matter, even though he knew I had to listen to him.

''Look, there are two reasons as to why I promise to keep you and your sister alive. First… I don't want Kira's eyes on us. I used Takimura's death, but we didn't kill him. Kira probably did it. But if we kill you or your sister, there's a chance that we'll be Kira's next target.' At that point I wanted to say he already was, but I couldn't. Then he would know I at least knew Kira.

'Mello continued, 'And secondly, I don't want to get into any more trouble with the Japanese police. As a result of this deal, Takimura died. But there's no reason for us to kill you two and get the police even more enraged. No matter how incompetent the Japanese police are… I don't underestimate revenge as a motive.' He continued eating on, well, N said it was chocolate, so let's say that's what it was.

''For our own safety, you're better off alive. Now, wasn't that more believable than some lame excuse? Yagami… I want you to contact L. You should be in a position t contact L. I don't care if you contact him directly, or through a colleague. I want you to get L to stop every media report on flight SE333. If the media reports that you got off the plane alone, there's a chance that Kira will decide to kill you.' I knew Mikami would follow the orders I gave him earlier, so I sent an e-mail to him that he should fix it.

''After I confirm that L has stopped the media, I'll send you a picture of how your sister's doing right now.' I asked Mikami, or "L" to reply to me through e-mail once he was finished and I received the e-mail quickly afterwards, something the man next to me also commented on.

'Mello then did as he said and sent me a picture of Sayu. I could see she was confused and scared, but I was more worried it was a recording, but Mello seemed to have thought about that.

''If there's anything you want to ask your sister, type it into the unit and we'll read it out to your sister for you. That should tell you for certain that your sister is safe and sound.' I quickly typed in what I wanted to say and I heard Mello start talking to Sayu.

''Sayu Yagami, I've got a message from your brother. 'I'm on my way, just stay calm. You still have your watch, could you tell me what time it is?' We allowed him to ask this question, you are free to answer it.' I saw Sayu pull up the hand with her watch on instinct, looking at it.

'I-I'm sorry Light…This is all my fault… I've had this watch since I was in Japan, so the time is 2:42 in Japan.' I saw that she was correct, so I calmed down a bit, waiting for the plane to go down.

'Then the pilot spoke into the speakers.

''This is your captain, Kyle Block speaking. We're going to commence an emergency landing at this time. Don't worry, we're just going to drop a passenger off, and then we'll quickly head for L.A..' At this time passengers became nervous and some simply wanted an explanation to why they would be late to L.A.

'When they saw we were landing in the middle of the desert, they seemed terrified, but I didn't do anything else than reaching for my bag and preparing to get off.

''Please get off here mister,' the captain said and I stood up. The stewardess tried to calm everyone down, and tried to make me sit again, but I told her I was the one getting off.

''This will be over once I get off, don't worry.' I smiled towards her and she moved, and my smile dropped as I started to get off the plane. I quickly got off and I looked around, finding nothing but desert around me.

'As the plane had taken off, I heard Mello say, 'Yagami,, you can now use your own cell phone. I want you to order a helicopter with one pilot to pick up you and your sister. And make sure to tell your friends that if anything other than that helicopter comes within two miles of where you stand, both you and your sister will be killed.' I did as they asked, and called Mikami, who had been told to hand over those situations to N, and apparently he did it perfectly.

'I heard a noise behind me and turned, to see a hatch open. Mello told me that was the entrance, so I went down into a metal corridor.

'Mikami told me N made fun of him asking if he had some sort of plan, so he just told N to make sure the escape route was tracked.

'I myself saw Sayu immediately, but I was wary enough of the man behind the strange setup, so I simply told her everything would be over soon. I then turned to him, waiting for him to say something.

''Yagami, do you have a gun?' I shook my head.

'I would not have been able to take it with me on the plane.'

''Then allow me,' the man said and pulled out a gun, shooting the glass that stopped him from pulling Sayu backwards. Three shots, proving the glass was bullet proof.

''A certain syndicate used this place to make deals until a few years ago, and we've made some adjustments to it. I want you to place the notebook through here, there's a hole on my side too, but as you can see, it's so small that I can barely get my hand through it. It won't allow me to snatch the notebook. As for the hole on your side, it's large enough to put both hands through it. So even if I try to take the note from you, you can easily grab it back.''

Now Light gets off me and takes out pen and paper, quickly drawing the mechanism that had been used so that I fully can understand what he means. Instead of him explaining everything to me. (**AN:** Page 69 in volume 8) He then continues.

'Anyway, the man continued to tell me how this was going to be done.

''Once you placed the notebook through the hole, I'm going to unlock the device. Then we both take a step back, and turn the glass door 90 degrees. Then the notebook will come to me and the girl will go to you. There is a wall sticking out to our left that won't let the revolving door rotate more than 90 degrees either way. Once the girl reaches your side, you can also lock the door on your side.' He pointed behind me.

''Your exit is right behind you. As you can see, my exit is further back. By the time I get outside, you two should be on the helicopter. And if you don't accept this exchange, I will shoot the girl through here. But once the glass door rotates, I won't be able to shoot her.' He held the gun pointed towards Sayu and I did not like that, but I remained silent. He would take it away shortly.

'I felt like he was stalling, he told me everything overly clearly, as if he was waiting for something, perhaps mine and Sayu's helicopter. He kept going.

''Now, this exchange should feel safe to you. But if we really wanted to kill you, we could have set a bomb on your side, or have a sniper hiding in the desert. This is all up to you, whether you trust us based on what you heard on the plane.' I gave him a short nod to show I understood what they planned.

'He then asked about the notebook and I took it out from my clothes where I had hidden it during the flight.

'Then he was told to start the exchange.

''First I'll test the notebook. Place it through the glass panel on your left.' I pretended to hesitate.

''I can't go on without checking the notebook's real. Don't worry, the guy who's going to die is the type Kira would kill anyway.' I swallowed, but opened the notebook, and I placed it on the glass panel. He quickly wrote a name and we waited silently. I looked at Sayu and tried to reassure her that everything would be alright, but I don't know if she caught my intention. She was way too scared.

'The other seemed to get a confirmation that the target had died as he exclaimed, '_Ha_, looks like this notebook is real. Now let go of it, and I'll give the girl back.' I dropped it and took a step back. Sayu hurried onto me, and I hugged her tightly and I locked the door.

'I hugged Sayu before starting to lead her out of that place. I got us into the helicopter and when I saw it was the same man who had arrived at the Japanese police, I thanked him for coming and I apologized for my behavior last time, but he didn't seem to mind too much. I then simply focused on Sayu.

'Mikami told me he asked N to keep the helicopters on the satellites, but N said they had gotten the better of us. He then told us they had spotted a missile was going to be launched. A missile that could not be tracked with radar.

'Mikami asked them to at least keep track of the helicopters, but apparently, the kidnapper's helicopter never landed. They blew it up in the air, wiping out the traces of the organization.

'Mikami then called me, to see if I was alright, and wasn't killed by the kidnappers. I told him we were OK, and asked if he knew what happened to the plane. Mikami told me the one who got onto the plane with me had collapsed and also the captain lost conscious after they landed, and was most likely already dying due to the notebook.

'I let him handle everything else and when we got to the police station, I told Sayu to take it easy and not press herself too hard, we would find the ones responsible and she wouldn't have to worry… the rest I think you know…' Light ends the story and I turn my head to the side, thinking about what Light has said.

He's not interested in waiting for me to finish analyzing, but leans down, starting to kiss my jaw line and neck. I turn my head to the side, not responding.

If Mello now wants to keep Light alive, it is most likely due to the reasons he mentioned to Light, but I do believe that he also hopes to be able to use Light in the future. Maybe even to use the notebook on him to do something.

I feel Light's nails dig into my left side at the same time his other hand forces my shirt up. I know he's trying to get my attention, but I continue thinking.

If Mello uses the notebook on Light, it means he will use Kira for something before killing him. If he would find out that, he probably wouldn't believe it.

Light's hand touches my nipple and his leg presses down between mine.

This whole deal about this kidnapping took away some part of the suspicions that could be placed upon Light, both as L and as Kira, so this could come out as something that could become an advantage for Light.

'Do you even notice what's happening around you?' Light asks me and I shrug.

'I do,' I say without any presence in my words, continuing to analyze the situation. Mello apparently has some resources, considering the money he has been forced to spend, with the missile and the preparations for the exchange, so he is most likely very influent in the underworld and people must trust him to spend the money that way.

Light bites down roughly in my shoulder, once again moving my thoughts back to him.

'You can think about whatever it is when I go to England.' I blink and look up at him.

'You'll go yourself?' I ask.

'Yeah. Now that Mello and N knows I'm working for L and I accepted to trade my sister for the notebook, they won't believe neither that I am L, nor Kira, I'm just someone they could ask for information about L and perhaps about the Kira case. Getting out more will now decrease the suspicion about me even more.' I nod, but I still think it's foolish of him to be out. But maybe that's just because I didn't want to be outside, afraid to show myself. After all, he has been raised to be accepted by the society so he can blend in perfectly.

I look up at him and he looks down at me. I realize, by judging his expression, I actually managed to turn him off, by being uninterested enough. That wasn't really my intention, but I guess it's hard to avoid if I'm not going to be focusing on him.

'You're really unbelievable,' Light states. 'What's happened to you if you're not even affected by this…?' I shrug.

'After all, I managed all the years before you without anyone…' Light blinks.

'So you'd never…' I shake my head.

'Are you surprised? I never showed my face before the Kira case. And my social skills are not really enough for me to get dates just like that…' Light looks a bit humiliated and I understand it's because that meant that he not only lost the first fight we had, but he had also lost the top position to a virgin.

Light turns his head and I see him try to get over the humiliation he feels. It doesn't really seem to work and after a few seconds he simply gets off me and walks over to the desk. He does something, but it takes a while before he speaks to me at all.

Then finally he turns to me.

'Now, the plan is for me to go and see if there are any last minute flights to England and then I'll sleep on the plane. Then I'll look up Mello and everything I can about him. Mikami will come down here and work with finding the one owning the notebook. If it is not Mello, it might be a criminal that has a record, or at least a suspect that has been caught in FBI's records so we can find him. Mikami doesn't see lifespan on those who are owners of the notebook, so he will know the real owner. Once I know that, I can try to see if there's anything more I can get out of it.'

'So I'll spend two days with him… which means he's not going to say a word more to me than he has to.' I state my dislike, but Light doesn't seem to bother about it. He simply finishes what he's doing on the computer before getting over to me again, kissing me softly.

'Well, you weren't interested in company beforehand, so see you in a couple of days.' I glare at him as he leaves the room, and I turn away from the door, amused. I pissed him off by not being interested and then I humiliated him, both of them actually unintentionally… but I think perhaps that was what had the best effect on him, that he knew I didn't mean to do it.

Sometimes I wonder how much of the child is still in him. It appears he does indeed act like a child in the way of never wanting to lose, just like I usually did. But even though he now appears to have grown up, I find the competitive side of him growing stronger and the childish way of believing he owns the world has become obsessive. The world belongs to him and those who doesn't agree are in his way, not like an adult would say that they can't own everything. The book made him grow up the wrong way and I believe the innocent child he once was is still in there, the one I saw when he lost his memory.

Well… perhaps innocent isn't the right word considering everything the two of us did, but he was not criminal and he was like a child who had to prove he was not the one he was suspected to be. He did not want to leave it to the real police, he had to be there proving it.

It's a nice approach, but adults rarely do something as wholeheartedly as children do, and Light and I, we're more children in that aspect. Childish, but he's disguising himself as an adult within society.

…

**AN:** Shortest chapter so far… shame… oh well, hopefully you liked it anyway… and I'm sorry, but it's not my fault what happened in the end… honest to God, I planned to let you guys have some sex where L finally was bottom, but apparently, L got other plans…

Anyway, hopefully next chapter won't be this short ^^,


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